


Are You an Angel?

by innusiq



Category: due South
Genre: Drama, Episode Related, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-01-11
Updated: 2000-01-11
Packaged: 2018-11-10 23:06:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11136477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/innusiq/pseuds/innusiq
Summary: Sequel to Hated for LovingThis story is a sequel toHated for Loving.





	Are You an Angel?

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

Are You an Angel?

## Are You an Angel?

by Innusiq

Author's notes: Death story!

* * *

This is part three of the series Lovers in a Dangerous Time Rating: PG13  
Pairing: Fraser/Vecchio 
    
    
              Are You an Angel?
              by:  Jenny Hill
    

No matter how many times they had walked into the squad room together, those hundreds, maybe even thousands of times couldn't prepare them for this day. The moment they were through the doors, it was like every head turned and every mouth seemed to forget how to work. The silence was deafening as they rounded the corner to head towards Ray's desk. 

"Vecchio!" Lt. Welsh called from his office. "Get in here . . . and bring the Mountie." 

Ray did not like what was happening and he couldn't understand how it was. Ray knew he couldn't be in any trouble for today was the first day back from his medical leave so that left only one thing. Ray and Fraser had been very discrete about their relationship, only his family and ex-wife knew about them. Changing directions, both Mountie and Detective headed towards the Lieutenant's office. The only explanation Ray could come up with was staring him in the face as he passed her desk. Ray's shoulder's slouched and he brought his hand up to rub his eyes. "It will be all right Ray . . . trust me," Fraser said as they approached Welsh's office door. 

"You I trust Benny, it's the rest of them I don't," Ray said as they entered Lt. Welsh's office. 

"Shut the door Constable," Welsh requested in a way that was more like an order. Fraser obediently turned and closed the door behind them. 

"You wanted to see us sir?" Ray tried to sound as normal as possible, maybe he didn't know. Maybe he was in trouble for something he was unaware of. 

"Please take a seat, both of you." Lt. Welsh motioned to the chairs positioned in front of his desk. 

Fraser immediately sat down in the chair in front of him while Ray hesitated. "I'd rather stand sir." Fraser turned his head to look at Ray, trying to plead with him to sit but it was no use. Ray wouldn't look at him. 

"Vecchio, I am telling you to sit down." That got Ray's attention though, causing him to swallow hard and sit down in the chair next to Fraser. Lt. Welsh leaned forward on his desk, resting his elbows and forearms on its surface. "There is a rumor going round about you and Constable Fraser here . . ." 

"What rumor sir?" Ray was still acting as if this was just the routine chewing out session he got from his superior office, regularly. All Fraser could do was sit back and watch. His politeness made him wait to be addressed before speaking himself. 

"Well, what I've heard was that you and the Constable are . . . close." Lt. Welsh had no idea how to approach this subject positively. This wasn't the normal police department situation he was use to or trained on handling but when it dealt with these two, he came to realize, there was never any "normal" situation involved. 

"Close sir?" 

The Lieutenant sighed and dropped his head, dreading where this was going. Ray was purposely being evasive, never wanting to give anything away before it was time. "Detective, I think you know what I'm trying to say here, close meaning linked in a romantic way." He couldn't believe he said it but once it was out, things got easier. 

Ray sighed finally admitting "Yes sir." 

"Is that an affirmative yes or an understanding yes?" It was like pulling teeth with him. 

"Both sir, yes, I understand what you're trying to say and yes . . . we are linked in a romantic way." Why was that so hard? Was it because he looked up towards the Lieutenant as a father figure ever since his own passed away and needed his approval? Ray couldn't look Lt. Welsh in the eyes so he chose to stare at his nameplate. 

"Really? Wow." Welsh was speechless. 

All this time, Fraser just sat and watched the conversation slowly take shape. This wasn't the way he expected to tell Ray's co-workers but at least it was done. 

Lt. Welsh turned his attention and staring eyes towards Fraser. "Do you have anything to add Constable?" 

Fraser cleared his throat. "No sir, I think Ray has done a fine job with explaining the situation, thank you sir." 

"Sir, if I may add here, I didn't mean for you, or anyone else for that matter, to find out this way." Ray now looked at Lt. Welsh. 

"I understand." 

"You do?" There was uncertainty in Ray's voice. 

"Yes Ray, I do. I've heard of these things happening, mind you, they've never happened to me or under my watch but I like to believe I have an open mind." Lt. Welsh leaned back in his chair, amazed at his own acceptance of the situation. 

"That you do sir. So you're okay with this . . . with us?" Ray asked making a motion with his hands pointing to Fraser and himself. 

"Detective, what you do in your own spar time, in the privacy of your own home, as long as it doesn't effect your performance here at work, is fine with me, capise?" 

"Yes sir, thank you sir." Ray began standing up. "May we go now sir?" Fraser stood up next to Ray, ready to follow him back into the lion's den. 

"Yes Detective, I just want to say one thing before you go." Lt. Welsh got up from behind his desk and followed the two men to the door. "I may be understanding but I won't guarantee the rest of the department will be." Ray nodded his head knowing all to well what his superior officer was telling him. Lt. Welsh stuck out his hand and shook Ray's, then Fraser's. "Good luck." 

"Thank you kindly sir," Fraser said then followed Ray out of Welsh's office and to his desk. 

When Ray sat down at his desk, he immediately placed his head down on his folded arms. Ray heard Fraser sit in the guest chair in front of his desk. "What did I do to deserve this Benny?" 

"Well, Ray . . . I thought that went rather well." Fraser was rubbing his left eyebrow clearly stressed out himself. It may have went well but that didn't mean it wasn't stressing or over for that matter. 

"Yeah but I wanted to be the one to tell people . . . gradually. Ya know, test the waters. You do know who did this don't you?" 

Fraser just nodded his head. He knew very well who was behind this and she was sitting across the room staring at them with a perverse smile on her face. "Is she ever going to forgive us Ray?" 

"Probably not . . . ah . . . you know I kicked her out of the house, right? I did tell you that, didn't I?" 

Fraser turned to look at Ray. "Do you think that was really necessary?" Fraser may not be a member of the Francesca fan club but she was still family and you don't treat family that way, no matter how horrible they are to you. 

"It's my house!" Ray started getting defensive. 

"Ray, she's your sister, family . . . you don't even live there anymore." 

"Benny, we are not discussing this." 

"But Ray . . ." 

"Fraser, you don't understand. How could you understand?" And that was all Ray had to say. Fraser just stared at his very irate lover and Ray could see what Fraser was thinking and feeling at that very moment. Fraser then proceeded to get up and leave without saying a word. "Benny . . . don't go . . . Benny. . . .Benny!" Fraser never turned back. "Agh." Ray laid his head back down on his desk. He couldn't believe what he had just said yet didn't understand why it affected Fraser so much. This was the worst day of his life. 

* * *

"Sir, may I come in?" Fraser slowly opened the Inspector's door and waited for permission to enter. 

"Come in Const . . . Fraser." She didn't even look up when he entered. 

Standing at attention, Fraser said "Permission to speak freely sir?" 

Inspector Thatcher looked up from her work. "Const . . . Fraser, you look horrible." this was the first time she had seen Fraser since his return from the North. 

"Yes sir, I have been told that on numerous occasions as of late." He still stood at rigid attention. 

"Fraser, you can relax, you haven't even been reinstated to the force yet . . . please sit down." Inspector Thatcher motioned to the chairs in front of her desk. 

"Thank you sir." Fraser sat down. 

"Now, how can I help you?" She asked as she sat back in her chair. 

"Well, sir . . . it's not that I need help but more . . . I need to tell you something . . . It is only right that you hear this from me and not second hand . . ." 

"Quit stalling Fraser and get on with it." Patience's was not one of her virtues. 

"There seems to be a rumor going around the 27th Precinct which involves me and a certain member of said precinct." Fraser was trying to be as evasive as possible, hoping she wouldn't ask too many detail oriented questions. 

"What is this rumor?" 

"Ah . . ." Fraser cracked his neck. "That I am romantically linked with a member of said precinct." 

"Is this a rumor?" She was good at interrogating with out force. 

"No sir." His head slumped forward. 

"Who started this rumor?" 

Fraser cleared his throat. "We believe Francesca Vecchio." 

This was getting interesting. Inspector Thatcher assumed Francesca was the partner in this truth of a rumor but this now disqualified her. "If you don't mind me asking Fraser . . . who are you seeing?" Fraser made eye contact with the Inspector and she could see the difficulty he was having in telling her. "You don't have to tell me Fraser . . . it's your own personal business." 

Fraser shook his head. "I have to tell you. It's important you hear this from me and not from someone else." She gave him a nodding go-ahead gesture. "The person I am involved with . . . he loves me very much and I love him . . . He's my best friend . . ." 

"Fraser, are we talking about who I think we are talking about?" 

"Sir, if you are referring to Ray, yes." Fraser was looking away from her now, trying to avoid any disgust that would appear on her face. 

"For how long?" She was curious now. 

"Well sir . . . our relationship began shortly after my rescue form being abducted by Carver and . . . that would be about . . . two years sir." It didn't seem like two years to Fraser, more like a lifetime. He didn't think he could remember a time when he didn't love Ray. 

"What about the time you were up in the Territories? Is this what has caused the current state you're in. I mean you just returned . . . was it two weeks or so ago?" If only she could find a love that strong. 

"Yes sir . . . it has been a rough year but for reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture, I have now returned on a permanent basis." 

Inspector Thatcher nodded her head. "Good, I do hope you will be returning to us, here at the consulate. Things just haven't been the same without you . . . efficient . . . since you left." 

"Sir, I would like that very much, although I would like to finish out the year on personal leave if that wouldn't be too much to ask." Fraser needed time to recuperate mentally and physically. It really had been a rough year. 

"Of course Fraser, there's only three weeks left anyway. You can enjoy the holiday and return after the new year, refreshed and maybe a few pounds heavier . . . I believe your current uniform would be hanging on you if you wore it now." Even she noticed the weight loss and could see he needed the time off. 

Fraser grinned slightly. "I believe you are right sir." 

* * *

The apartment was quiet as he entered and the only light shining was from the moon's reflection on the snow outside. As he navigated his way around the living room in the moonlight he spotted Fraser, sleeping on the couch. It was after 9:00pm and Ray purposely had stayed late at work to avoid another confrontation with his lover but seeing him now, sleeping so peacefully made Ray question that decision. 

Still wearing his winter coat and knit cap, Ray slumped down in the nearest chair and watched Fraser sleep. Ray was so content just watching Fraser that he didn't even notice when Diefenbaker rested his head on his knee until he whined. "Hey Dief, ya have a good day today? What did you two do?" Diefenbaker just cocked his head to one side and grumbled a noise trying to tell Ray, who wouldn't understand anyway. 

Ray laughed to himself. "Fraser was right about Francesca ya know. She is my family and I should never have kicked her out of her own home. It could only make matters worse and that it did." Ray was convinced his decision to kick Francesca out caused her to retaliate in such a way. Ray rubbed his eyes then removed his cap, tossing it across the room. "I told Frannie she didn't have to move . . . I think it almost made her feel guilty over the "rumor" she was spreading. Ok not a rumor . . . our secret but it was our secret to tell when we were ready and I was not ready today." Ray sighed, "I think I'm gonna take a shower." Ray got up, shed his winter coat, leaving it in the chair he sat in and walked towards the bedroom to gather his pajama's and then headed for the bathroom. 

* * *

The shower felt good, relaxing and it gave Ray more time to think about his life and what had happened earlier in the day. He still had the urge to strangle his sister but he knew that wouldn't solve any problems, on top of being criminal. He wanted to apologize to Fraser for his rudeness too. He was so ashamed at how he treated Fraser, thinking he wouldn't understand. Ray finished buttoning up his pajama top. "Ah, maybe after a good night's sleep things will seem clearer and maybe by then, Fraser will be able to forgive me . . . maybe." Ray turned to leave the bathroom. 

* * *

When the door opened, a stream of light from the bathroom made it hard to see in the dark room. He smiled when his eyes adjusted and he saw Ray standing in the doorway of their bedroom. "Good evening Ray, rough day?" Fraser was sitting on the end of their bed, waiting. 

Ray nodded his head, surprised to see Fraser up and he walked over to where Fraser sat. When he was nearly in front of him, Fraser stood up and wrapped his arms around Ray's shoulders and Ray wrapped his arms around Fraser's waist. "I'm so sorry about this morning Benny. I didn't know what I was saying . . . feeling . . . thinking. I mean what I said . . . " 

Fraser pulled away from Ray then and immediately silenced him with his own mouth. Ray melted at the touch of Fraser's lips on his own. Fraser released Ray's mouth and Ray leaned against Fraser for support, his head resting on his shoulder. "Shhh, Ray, it's okay. I understand, it's okay." Fraser began stroking Ray's back. "Ray, I've been thinking . . . maybe we should go away for a couple weeks, up to my cabin, until the situation blows over." Fraser suggested as he sat back down on the bed, pulling Ray down next to him. "I won't be reinstated to the RCMP until after the first of the year . . . it would be a perfect opportunity for us . . . don't you think?" 

Ray sighed at the image of him and Fraser alone at his cabin for two weeks. The idea was truly appealing. "I would have to ask Lt. Welsh for the time off but other than that, it's a wonderful idea Benny. Wild horses couldn't keep me away." Ray took hold of Fraser's hand. "Benny, why do you put up with me sometimes?" 

"Ray, I love you, nothing could ever change that. I love everything about you. All your idiosyncrasies make you . . . well they make you, you." Fraser smiled shyly at Ray. "I should ask you the same question. All I ever do is cause trouble in your life." 

"Ah, Benny . . . you make my life a lot more interesting I'll admit that but you're my soul mate. I know, no matter what we say or do, we will always be together. Even when we were separated you were part of my life." Ray held onto Fraser's right hand with his left hand and brought his right hand up to stroke Fraser's cheek. "God, I love you, crazy ideas and all." 

* * *

It wasn't hard to get the time off approved by Lt. Welsh. It seemed he understood the need for the time away. "I think that is an excellent idea Detective." Ray remembered Lt. Welsh's comment. It was probably for the best to let the rest of his co-workers digest the information of his "sex" life, not that it was any of their business in the first place but Francesca made certain that is was their business, damn her. 

Ray dreaded telling his mother that he and Fraser were leaving town for the holiday season. Christmas was always an important holiday for his mother and he hated to spoil it this year after having already ruined one Christmas by being undercover. Strange thing is she understood and when she told him not to worry, he felt relieved. At least this way, Francesca would be able to enjoy her Christmas without being made to feel uncomfortable by his and Fraser's presence. 

Why did he worry about Francesca still? Ray couldn't figure that out but he did, she was his baby sister, someone had to. Before leaving for territories unknown, Ray dropped off their Christmas gifts to his family, Francesca included, and gathered the gifts his mother and sister Maria had got for them. "Merry Christmas Ma," Ray said as he kissed her cheek. 

"Merry Christmas Raymondo, Caro. Do give Fraser my love and you two have a safe trip. Call me when you can, please?" Mrs. Vecchio didn't want to see her son leave but she knew it was for the best. He would return after the new year, so she would just count the days until then. 

"I will Ma. We're gonna miss you this year." Ray hugged his mother. 

"I know Caro, I know." 

* * *

Ray was sitting, strapped into yet another plane, next to Fraser and amazingly he was very relaxed. They were the only two people on the small commuter flight heading to Moosejaw and Ray preferred it that way. He was leaning against his lover, holding his hand and daydreaming while Fraser stared out the window at the passing clouds. 

"Hey Benny, when do we catch the next flight out of Moosejaw to God knows where? I am anxious to get you alone in that cabin of yours." Ray snuggled a little closer to Fraser. 

Fraser smiled, "Well Ray, we are actually staying in Moosejaw for a week before we head up to the cabin." 

Ray started in on Fraser, sitting bolt up right in his seat. "What? Why are we stayin' in Moosejaw? That will be during Christmas. I didn't know this. Are you keeping secrets from me now? I thought we were gonna spend Christmas together at the cabin." 

Fraser turned to give Ray a reassuring smile. "Ray, I have a surprise planned for you, that is all. I thought you liked surprises?" 

"Yeah, well . . . I was just caught off guard . . . Am I gonna like this surpise? This doesn't involve us tracking anything or anyone anywhere does it?" 

Fraser laughed. "I don't believe so. I am quite certain I know where it is we are going." 

Ray grunted an approving noise and settled back down against Fraser's arm. Fraser loved this, being comfortable with one another. Being able to show their affection towards one another without the worry of who would see or what people would say. They both truly needed these next two weeks to be together like this. 

"Ya know Benny, I like this . . . I like this a lot," Ray sighed. 

"What do you like Ray?" 

"This." And Ray sat up and planted his lips on Fraser's, kissing as if they were in the seclusion of their apartment. Their lips parted and both began exploring each other's mouths. Fraser's hand was caressing the back Ray's neck, holding him in position, not wanting to ever let go of him. 

When they parted, both men were breathless, as if they forgot how to breathe while kissing. Ray rested his forehead against Fraser's. "Me too Ray, me too." 

* * *

The plane ride to Moosejaw went smoothly, with no complications and the landing was even better. This one trip redeemed their previous venture up to Canada, the one that nearly killed them both in the process. Ray shivered at that memory. 

Customs was even easier to pass through this time - without a gun. It made Ray a little nervous being unarmed but once they had landed safe in Canada, his stress slowly deteriorated. He couldn't imagine what he would need a gun for on this vacation. 

After claiming their baggage, Fraser heard a familiar voice call his name. "Ben!" 

Ray heard the same exclamation and turned to see a beautiful blonde Mountie in the well known red serge uniform and then Fraser embraced her, kissing her cheek. There was a past here that Ray knew nothing about and it was making him feel nervous all over again. Could she and ex-lover? Should he be worried? Why were they stopping here in Moosejaw to meet this woman? God she was beautiful. Ray's head was beginning to throb at all the speculations. Fraser never got that close to any woman unless . . . 

Fraser pulled away from her, still smiling a goofy little smile and turned to look at a nervous looking Ray. Ray's face had a questioning look upon it. It was almost a look of panic. Didn't he realize by now he had nothing to worry about? "Ray, I would like you to meet someone very special to me," Fraser began. 

"So important it's been three years since I last saw you?" The woman questioned in a teasing tone, trying to give Fraser a hard time. 

The Fraser Ray knew and loved popped up after that comment. "Well . . . I . . . we . . . a lot has happened since we first met and last saw each other." 

So, Fraser just met her when . . . when Ray was undercover. Oh great, long lost lover resurfaces. Ray extended his hand to shake the other Mountie's. "Ray Vecchio and you are?" He had to ask the question. If he hadn't, he knew they would be at the airport all night just looking at each other. 

The female Mountie looked at Ray, then at Fraser, then back to Ray. "Maggie Mckenzie but I met Ray Vecchio back in Chicago . . . you are not him. You don't even look a thing like him. Ben, is this some sort of joke?" 

Ray and Maggie both looked at the man who had all the answers and that man was just standing there with a silly little grin on his face. "Ray, this is my sister, Maggie." 

Ray's beautiful hazel eyes grew wide as he turned to look at Fraser's sister . . . Fraser's sister. He could get use to that, knowing Fraser was no longer alone in the world. "How?" 

"Well Ray, I think you know how . . ." 

"Fraser!" Ray interrupted as Maggie giggled. "Yeah I know how but . . . how?" 

"Well, her mother and my father . . . met sometime after my own mother's death and well . . . I guess you could say the rest is history." Fraser was staring at his sister again. Sometimes he had to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. 

"Ben, where's Ray?" Maggie asked with slight disappointment. 

"Oh, Maggie, this is Ray . . . Ray Vecchio. The Ray you met back in Chicago, his real name is Stanley Raymond Kowalski. He was only pretending to be Ray Vecchio while Ray was undercover with the mob . . . it is a long story which I'm certain we can fill you in with later." A long story indeed. A long story that would enter into another long story which was the reason Fraser planned this stop in Moosejaw where Maggie was currently posted. 

"Okay boys, time to go home. . . Where's Diefenbaker?" Maggie asked. 

"I'm sorry Maggie, due to the quarantine regulations, I thought it best to leave him in Chicago." Fraser picked up his bag and took one of Ray's as they followed Maggie to her vehicle. 

"You two will have to share a room since I only have two bedrooms . . . is that alright?" Maggie asked as they all settled into the jeep. "I have an extra bedroll for whoever will be sleeping on the floor . . . it's a single bed." She tried to explain. 

Ray gave Fraser, who was seated in the back seat behind Maggie, a sly grin causing Fraser to blush. "Yeah, that will be just fine . . . as long as I don't have to sleep on the floor." Ray buckled his seat belt, sat back and relaxed for the ride to Maggie's house. 

* * *

As they settled down for sleep, a calming sensation seemed to spread over Fraser's body. He was happy to be spending Christmas with his only blood related family and additionally happy to share that experience with the love of his life. "Ray, I want to tell Maggie about us . . . you and me . . ." 

"Benny, that is your decision to make, your choice. You know I will stand by you with whatever you choose." Ray ran his hand through Fraser's soft hair and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "I like her . . . she reminds me of a female you, which is strange seeing you just met her not too long ago." 

Fraser looked into those loving eyes. "I will take that as a compliment." 

"Oh yeah, definitely a compliment." Ray rolled over onto his side with his back to Fraser's chest as Fraser wrapped his arms around Ray and pulled him into a warm embrace. 

"Ray?" 

"Yeah Benny?" 

"You don't think she'll react the same way Francesca did . . . do you?" Ray could hear the uncertainty in Fraser's voice. 

"No Benny, I don't think she will. If she is anything like you, she will be more than understanding." 

Fraser kissed the back of Ray's neck. "Goodnight Ray." 

"Night Benny." Ray snuggled into the embrace and they both fell asleep nearly at the same time, enjoying the warmth of each other's body. 

* * *

It was early when Maggie rose for work, just like her brother, always before the sun rose. At least she thought she was just like her brother. At 7:30am, after being up for two hours, all was still quiet in the house, as if she had no guests at all. When she walked by the bedroom Fraser and Ray "had" to share, there were no sounds that she could hear. It isn't like a Mountie to be so lax. Of course her brother did look a lot thinner than the last time she saw him. Maybe he was getting over a bug or something. 

Maggie's motherly instincts, over her brother and his friend she'd just met, made her open the bedroom door to check on her guests. Her brother was awake, which confirmed her belief of being like him but he didn't seem to notice her open the door to peek in. Oh yes, her brother was definitely awake but he wasn't sleeping on the floor as she had assumed he would be by Ray's comment on their drive home. Fraser was lying in the single bed with a still sleeping Ray in his arms. They looked so natural lying there, like they had slept that way their whole lives. Fraser was lying there, holding Ray and just looking at him, as if to study every inch of Ray's face and body so he could conjure up the image should they ever be separated. It was wonderful to see her brother in such an elated state. Wonderful and yet shocking, this she never expected. There was a smile on his face, not one that centered around his mouth, it started more with his eyes and made all his facial features light up. There was a love between these two that was stronger than any she had experienced, more than even with here late husband. 

This, she was mesmerized by: Fraser gently touching Ray's face; Fraser softly kissing Ray's forehead; Fraser tenderly kissing Ray's nose. Ray just continued sleeping. She wondered how long this relationship had been going on for they seemed so comfortable with one another. 

It was getting late now, so Maggie quietly closed the door and headed down the hallway to go to work. Her brother always seemed to amaze her. When they first met, she had heard the rumors or at least that's what she thought they were, about his exile to the states and was amazed to find it to be all true. He was such a noble man, that she could tell when they first met, even before she knew he was her brother. It was a shame this was only their second meeting but a Mountie's life is never easy, she knew that and duty came first above all else, even family. 

* * *

"Hey Benny, what about this one?" Ray was standing next to a beautiful, full pine tree, kind he knew not, taller than himself and covered with snow. 

Fraser walked over to where Ray stood and began his examination of the specimen of a tree. He did this for about five minutes with Ray becoming impatient at every passing minute. "It's perfect Ray. You really are a natural at this." 

"Thanks Benny, are you up to chopping it down or do you want me to do it?" It had only been a few weeks since they reunited and Fraser was still a little weak from the ordeal, even though he tried really hard to hide it from Ray, Ray always knew. 

Fraser took offense. "Ray, I'm not an invalid. You're the one recovering from the gunshot wound. I am perfectly capable of cutting down my own Christmas tree. I am a Mountie. " 

"Well, officially, you're on a leave of absence so technically you're an ordinary regular Joe Shmoe like me." Fraser glared at Ray after that comment. "All right, all right, have it your way." Ray handed the axe to Fraser. When Fraser turned with the axe in hand, he felt something cold smack him in the back of the head and explode on impact, knocking off his Stetson. When he turned back around, Ray was standing there, grinning with another snowball in hand, waiting to be thrown. 

"Ray, you really shouldn't threaten a person holding an axe," Fraser teased. 

"Ooooh, I'm scared Benny. Are you threatening me?" Ray tossed the snowball back and forth between his right and left hand. 

A grin emerged on Fraser's face. "No Ray . . . it's a promise," and before Ray could react, Fraser pitched the axe on the ground, grabbed a handful of snow and hurled his first snowball in Ray's direction, making contact. 

"Now that's just not amusing Benny," Ray said, then he retaliated. 

Fifteen minutes later, Fraser had finally gotten a hold of an extremely elusive Ray, he was a quick one at that and tackled him to the ground. They were covered in snow but Ray wasn't cold. The weight of Fraser's body against his and Fraser's mouth on his own were keeping him quite warm. 'If only they were inside . . . in "their" bedroom.' Ray thought. The absence of Fraser's lips brought Ray to his senses. When he looked up at Fraser, he was just staring back. "What?" 

Fraser smiled. "Ray, I don't know what I would do without you . . .I mean I would surely die . . . I nearly did . . ." Ray silenced Fraser with a short kiss. 

"Benny, you know I'd never leave you so you don't have to worry about that." Ray sat up causing Fraser to sit back on the lower half of Ray's legs. 

"Ray, I know you'd never leave me and I hope you can believe me when I say I'd never leave you willingly. I'm just saying I know I could never survive without you . . . being loved by you . . . before I was willing to live a life of solitude, I pretty much accepted it and then you loved me . . . now that I know what that love feels like, I can never live without it . . ." 

"Oh Benny, you big sap." Ray gently tapped Fraser on the shoulder, shyly smiling with a slight blush. "Come on, we need to get this tree back and decorated before Maggie gets home." 

* * *

The tree was positioned in front of the picture window in Maggie's living groom and they had all the boxes of decorations sitting around it on the floor waiting to be hung. Christmas was Ray's kind of holiday. He was missing the yearly tradition of decorating the Vecchio family home and tree . . . he still remembered the year he asked Fraser to help him with the house project, what a disaster that was, he almost fell off the roof thanks to Deifenbaker. Ray chuckled to himself. 

"What is it Ray?" Fraser asked with a yawn. He was tired already, it was going to take longer than he thought to get his stamina back. 

"Oh nothing, I'm just thinking about my family, that's all," Ray said while looking through Maggie's boxes of decorations. "Your sister has some great ornaments here . . . old ones too! Those are the best kind." 

Fraser sat down on the couch they had moved to the opposite side of the room in order to fit the tree in front of the window. He watched Ray, in all his glory, in decorating mode. "Ray, are you sure you're okay with this . . . spending Christmas here and not at home with your family?" Fraser hated thinking he was keeping Ray from where he really wanted to be. 

Ray stood up, walked over to where Fraser was sitting and leaned over him, resting his hands on the back of the couch, either side of Fraser's shoulders. "Benny, wherever you are is where I want to be." Ray kissed Fraser. "I miss my family . . . Naturally I miss them but that is nothing you should feel guilty or sorry about. We both chose to leave for the holiday season and I'm glad. Heck, if we wouldn't have come here, I never would have met Maggie and I am really glad I did." Ray leaned closer and kissed Fraser again but more thoroughly, passionately. 

Fraser brought his hands up to cup Ray's face. When they parted, both were smiling. "Thank you Ray." 

"Anytime Benny." Ray was now looking into Fraser's eyes. "Benny, you look tired. Did I wear you out this morning?" Ray still couldn't believe he and Fraser had gotten into a snowball fight. It had been years since he had done such a thing, way before he went undercover for the Feds and way before he had even met the Mountie. 

Fraser grinned sheepishly, he hated admitting any weakness but he was truly tired. "A little Ray but I did enjoy our morning together." 

Ray brushed a hand through Fraser's hair. "Me too Benny. Why don't you lay down here and take a nap while I start on the tree." 

"I thought we could decorate the tree together." Fraser sounded disappointed and there was a slight pout on his lips. 

"Benny, first let me say, do you remember what happened the last time you helped me decorate for Christmas?" Fraser thought back to that dreadful day and nodded his head. "I think it would be safer for the both of us if you just let me take care of the decorating." Fraser still looked sad. "And secondly, you need your sleep Benny. I worry about you now more than ever. Please, lay down and rest awhile, I know you're tired and you know you're tired, please?" 

Fraser lowered his head shamefully, he hated feeling vulnerable and that was just how he was feeling. Fraser unwillingly yawned. Ray knelt down in front of him, lifting his chin so Fraser would look at him. "Benny, there's nothing wrong with being tired, you've been through quite a lot in the last year. It's gonna take some time to recover. Let me look after you. Let me do this for you. You are always looking after me, let me take care of you at least this once." There was a desperate tone in Ray's voice Fraser wasn't accustomed to hearing. 

"I'm sorry Ray." 

"Benny, don't be sorry, you're just being you and that is all I ever ask you do be. I love you for that. It can annoy me sometimes but I love you." Fraser smiled. "Please lay down." Fraser finally obeyed Ray's request, funny thing was, he wasn't down five minutes before Ray could hear Fraser mumbling under his breath which was a sign that he had fallen asleep. Ray sighed happily as he turned to attack the decorating of their (Fraser, Maggie and his) Christmas tree. 

* * *

Four hours later, a bleary eyed Fraser woke up to the most beautiful sight he had ever laid eyes on. As he let his eyes focus to the darkening living room, he took in the beauty of the tree Ray had decorated while he slept. It was a perfect Christmas tree in Fraser's mind. There was every type of bulbs imaginable from decade old glass bulbs to the silly animal shaped glass bulbs. There was also tinsel and garland and a wonderful selection of lights that blinked on and off sporadically. It was a wonderful sight to wake up to. 

Fraser sat up, placing his feet on the floor and stretched. He looked at his watch and was amazed at the length of time he had actually slept, without interruption. He should listen to Ray more often. When he looked across the room, he saw three stockings hanging on the fireplace mantle and each had a name: Maggie, Ray, Fraser. If Fraser didn't already love Ray, he knew he would fall in love with him now all over again. 

Fraser stood up and started looking around for Ray. All was quiet in the house and he couldn't imagine what he was up to now. Fraser walked through the kitchen doorway and saw no one there. "Ray? Are you here?" There was no answer. Fraser headed down the hallway, towards their bedroom. When he opened the door he didn't see anyone in the room but he walked in anyway. When he was standing in the middle of the room, he heard the bedroom door shut behind him and turned to see who was there. 

"Good afternoon Benny." Ray joked at Fraser finally waking up from his nap he "didn't" need. "Feeling better now?" 

"Yes Ray, I am." Fraser admitted, the nap was a wonderful idea and he never felt better at that point. "The tree is beautiful Ray, thank you." 

Ray smiled, appreciating the compliment coming from Benny. Ray started moving towards Fraser and when he was close enough, he wrapped his arms around him. "You're welcome Benny." Ray had a silly grin on his face, like he was trying to tell Fraser something but he wanted Fraser to figure it out himself. 

"Ray, what are you up to?" 

"Nothin', what are you up to?" 

"Ray?" 

Ray just kept on looking at him with a silly grin, a guilty grin but now his eyes were moving in a distinct direction towards the ceiling. Fraser followed his eyes' movements and saw what Ray was hinting at and he blushed. 

"After all the time we've been together, I still can make you blush, man I'm good." Fraser laughed at Ray's comment 

"Are you gonna kiss me now? It is tradition," Fraser said. 

"Oh yeah, why else would I be hanging mistletoe in the bedroom?" Ray asked. 

* * *

Once again, Fraser was sleeping but this time the exhaustion was understandable to Ray. Fraser always fell asleep after they had made love, He would become so relaxed he would simply fall asleep without even trying. That was one of the many aspects Ray loved about Fraser. The thought that Fraser was that comfortable with him, that trusting, it spoke volumes. 

Ray kissed Fraser's brow as he started to get out of the bed. Fraser stirred slightly but didn't wake up. He would be asleep for at least an hour as usual. Ray gathered his clothes and headed towards the bathroom to clean up before Maggie returned. 

When Ray entered the bathroom, he caught his reflection in the mirror and he was smiling. He hadn't even realize it but he was. He couldn't believe how one person could make him feel so happy. Not even during his marriage to Angie did he ever feel as complete as he did with Fraser. Heck, this was the first time he ever felt this complete in his entire life. This was the reason Ray knew he found his soul mate, his partner for life. 

* * *

When Maggie entered her home, she was overwhelmed by the scent of pine and marinara sauce. She found Ray in the kitchen cooking up a storm. "Good evening Ray, what's for dinner?" 

Ray turned and smiled a winning smile at Fraser's sister. "Simple spaghetti, maybe tomorrow we can go into town and pick up some ingredients and I can make you both a "real" Italian meal." 

"That sounds wonderful Ray." Maggie took her coat off and hung it up in the closet by the back door. She was wearing her brown uniform today which, as with Fraser, suited her much better than the bright red tunic. "Where's Ben?" 

"Ah . . . he's in the bedroom taking a nap." Ray couldn't believe the words spilling from his lips. A nap? Mounties never took naps and he knew questions would be following such a statement. 

"Is he okay? He's not sick or anything is he?" Maggie asked as she sat down at the table in her kitchen/dining area. 

Ray swallowed hard trying to get rid of the lump that had all of the sudden formed in his throat. It wasn't working. He didn't know how to answer her question. 

"Ray?" 

Ray turned the stove down and moved to sit at the table next to Maggie. He stared at his hands for the longest time, trying to figure out what to say without saying too much. It was Fraser's responsibility to tell his sister about them and he wasn't going to take that privilege away from him, not like his sister did. 

"Benny is not sick Maggie, he's fine . . . just a little tired, that's all." Yeah right, like she's gonna accept that. 

"When I first saw him at the airport, picking you two up, he was so much thinner than I remembered him . . . what happened?" Maggie was understandably concerned for her brother's well being, Ray could sympathize with her. He had worried about Fraser everyday during their separations (when Ray was undercover and when Fraser left him), even more after the most recent one. The idea that Fraser was willing to give his life up that easily scared Ray more than anything had before. 

"Maggie . . . it's a long story and I don't believe I have the right to tell it. You really need to talk to Benny about this one," Ray sighed. He hated leaving her hanging like this when he had all the answers she was looking for but he just couldn't tell her. "I will only say that Benny is fine now. He's recovering but he is fine." 

Maggie could see the strain on Ray's face, whatever happened was painful and affected them both. "Ray, can I ask you a question?" Ray made a "go ahead" gesture. "You . . . you care about my brother . . . yes?" 

"Very much Maggie," Ray answered honestly, how else could he answer. 

"And my brother cares about you too?" 

"I believe so, yes." Ray knew Fraser loved him very much but he himself sometimes still couldn't believe his own good fortune. 

"Thank you Ray," Maggie said as she got up from the table. 

"For what Maggie?" Ray got up too and returned to his cooking. 

"For taking care of my brother." Ray smiled as he watched Maggie leave the kitchen. He was glad to have Maggie in his life, she filled the void Francesca left behind. 

* * *

There was a knock on the bedroom door as Fraser finished putting his socks on and pulled down his pant leg. "Come in." 

Ray entered the room coyly, walked over to the bed, sat down next to Fraser and took hold of his hand. "Benny, I think you need to talk with Maggie . . . you know . . . about us and what happened. She's been asking questions. I didn't say anything but she's not stupid ya know." 

Fraser stared at the floor. "Ray . . . I'm afraid to . . . what if . . ." 

Ray interrupted. "Benny, she is not Frannie, okay? She is Maggie and the Maggie I have come to know isn't capable of such cruelty . . . she's a Mountie for God's sake." 

Fraser gave a little laugh. "Will you stay with me when I tell her?" 

"Benny, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. We can talk to her after dinner . . . I made spaghetti . . . comfort food." Ray tried to brighten his mood. 

"Thanks Ray." Fraser kissed Ray's cheek and squeezed his hand. 

* * *

All three of them sat on the couch admiring Ray's decorative work on the tree that pretty much covered the view of the front room window. "Ray, the tree is breathtaking, thank you for decorating." Maggie was in awe. "The last tree I had was . . . a year before my husband's death." Maggie was feeling melancholy at the thought of her deceased husband. Even though he was never completely forth coming about his past, she still loved him dearly. They had a bond that could never be broken. 

"Maggie . . . we have something to discuss with you," Fraser began not really knowing how to begin. He was never good at this kind of talking. This was only their second meeting and she didn't owe him any understanding or acceptance of what he was about to divulge to her but he had to at least let her know. 

"What is it Ben?" Maggie turned to face Fraser and Ray. Fraser had a panicked look on his face and every time he opened his mouth, nothing would come out. "Ben, what ever it is, you can tell me." 

Fraser turned his head to look at Ray for help but Ray refused. This needed to be done on his own. Fraser turned back and looked at Maggie who was sitting at attention waiting for her brother to continue. "Ray and I . . . we . . . I . . ." Once again he was at a loss for words. 

Ray placed his hand on Fraser's arm for support. "Benny, it's okay." 

Just those three simple words gave Fraser the strength to continue and so the long story began. "You know that when I first came to Chicago, I was on the trail of my . . . our father's killer." Maggie nodded her head, she didn't realize how far back this was going. "The first person I met upon my arrival in Chicago was Ray. He helped me find our father's killer and his accomplices and they were brought to justice, unfortunately, since this act involved me turning in one of my own . . . I was basically exiled from Canada and returned to Chicago were I remained attached as liaison officer with the Canadian Consulate." Fraser took a minute to think where he was going next. 

"Before Chicago, the largest city I had ever been posted to was here, Moosejaw, and at that time, I couldn't handle it. I was so use to the quiet of the Territories, city life didn't agree with me. When I was exiled, I couldn't imagine being forced to stay in Chicago for any long period of time but I survived and the only reason I can give is it was all because of Ray. He saved me from my solitude, became my best friend and his family became my family. I trust him with my life even though at times I am too stubborn to listen to his advice." Fraser looked at Ray and smiled. 

Maggie continued to listen, this was the most information she had the opportunity to hear about her brother and she wasn't going to miss it. "It was little over a year before our friendship was tested for the first time." Fraser took a deep breath before continuing. Victoria was the last person he wanted to talk about but she was part of the whole mess of his life. "There was a woman from my past . . . she and two men had robbed a bank in Alaska and in fleeing, the one man was killed and the other left her to fend for herself. Her name was Victoria. Victoria fled into Canada and I tracked her to the area known as Fortitude Pass . . ." Fraser filled his sister in on his past with Victoria and what happened on that mountain top. "She was the first woman I thought I couldn't live without . . . I thought I loved her and that idea saturated my mind, body and soul. When she showed up in Chicago ten years later, I was blinded by the thought of love. I thought I couldn't live without it." Fraser continued with the details of all the stunts Victoria pulled in Chicago all the way down to that fateful night on the train platform. A tear streaked down Fraser face. It wasn't a tear over the loss of Victoria but for the loss of his dignity that night. Fraser was embarrassed by what he had done and was ashamed that now his sister knew. Fraser rested his elbows on his knees and cupped his face in his hands trying to regain some composure. 

Fraser felt an arm wrap around him and to his surprise, it wasn't his lover's but his sister's. "Ben, it's okay, you don't have to do this you know." Maggie could hear the pain in her brother's voice and see the pain in Ray's eyes as Fraser talked about this woman. 

Fraser sat up straight and looked into his sister's eyes. "Maggie, I have to tell you this . . . all of this. It is part of who I am and you must hear it to understand." Maggie nodded in acceptance and waited for him to continue his story. 

"After Ray shot me . . ." Those words sent a shudder through Ray he wasn't expecting. He hadn't really thought about the incident in such a long time but this was bringing it all back and the wounds still stung. Ray turned his head away and Fraser saw the movement out of the corner of his eye. He didn't mean to hurt Ray again but he had. Fraser reached over and took hold of Ray's hand and squeezed it gently. "It's okay Ray." Ray nodded his head still not looking in their direction as Fraser continued, still holding onto Ray's hand. 

"It was hard to say then but now, looking back, that bullet was the best thing that ever happened to me. It kept me from making the biggest mistake in my entire life." Up until that point, the only mistake he had made was killing a caribou for no reason other than to kill it. That split second decision on the train platform would have been a far bigger and dangerous mistake. "Not only would I have thrown my life away, my duty, but my friendship with Ray. It would have cost him his own job, life, family and home. I don't know why I didn't see it then but I would have lost everything that made my life in Chicago worth living." Fraser was quiet for a second, revisiting the memories of that time and it still hurt. 

"It was after then that I realized why I was able to handle life in such a big city. Not only did I have Ray as a friend and his family as my own but I was in love with him." Fraser paused to get the reaction he expected from his sister but she just sat there as if captivated by an exciting tale. "And the funny thing was that he loved me but neither of us knew that." Ray finally turned to look at Fraser and Maggie could see the love they felt for one another and she was proud. "It wasn't for another two years that we confessed our feelings for one another and that day was the most frightening and wonderful day, all rolled into one." 

Maggie was smiling when they both looked at her. "What?" Said in unison. 

"Guys, I kind of figured something was going on . . . I wasn't sure until yesterday morning." Ray and Fraser looked at Maggie with confusion on their faces. "When I got up and Ben didn't I was worried, I mean he's a Mountie, I thought we all got up before dawn." Ray laughed at that comment and Fraser just blushed. "Anyway, after being up for two hours and no Ben, I looked in on you two and Ben, you didn't even notice me." Fraser blushed again and that made Maggie laugh. "I didn't see anything I shouldn't have but what I did see confirmed my thoughts. As long as you're both happy, I'm happy. Ben, you're the only close family I have and I wouldn't want to lose you for anything." Maggie leaned in and kissed Fraser on the cheek and hugged him. 

"Maggie you don't know what a relief it is to hear you say that." Fraser wiped the tears that had fallen from his cheeks. "I couldn't bear to know that I finally found you just to lose you all over again." 

"Ben, you're never going to lose me . . . you'll have to chase me away for that." 

* * *

Strangely, after all the sleep Fraser had that afternoon, he was yet asleep again but Ray was wide awake. Ray slipped out of the bed and left the room heading towards the kitchen to find some of that "comfort food". When he walked into the kitchen, he found he wasn't alone in the insomnia department. "Hey Maggie, what are you doing up?" 

Maggie was sitting in the dark and the only illumination was the moonlight coming in through the window. "I was just thinking, that is all." She was quiet for a minute as Ray sat down next to her. "Ray, Fraser never explained his weight loss, fatigue. What happened?" 

Ray sighed, even though it wasn't his fault, since his sister was the one who did it to him . . . them both, he had a hard time shaking the guilty feeling. "It's another long story, are you up for it?" Ray got up to turn the light on. Even though it would be easier to tell the story in the dark, to avoid her eyes, he needed to see her face as he relinquished the information. 

"Ray, I'm not going to bed anytime soon, please." 

Ray sat back down and began his story. "First, I want you to know and realize that I love your brother very much, more than I have loved anyone before and that fact sometimes scares me." 

"Why?" Maggie questioned. 

"Maybe because I feel I'm not good enough for him . . . I don't deserve such a wonderfully giving person. I don't know if you've noticed it but your brother is a good lookin' guy." 

Maggie laughed, "Yeah I noticed. When I first met him I didn't know he was my brother so I really noticed." 

"Well, everyone notices, men, women and all of them better lookin' than myself and I wonder why he chose me. If he ever left me for someone else or if he got tired of me..." 

"Ray, think of who you are talking about. I don't know my brother all that well but he seems like a truly devoted guy and I don't think he would ever do such a thing." 

Ray laughed. "Yeah, I know but I have this insecurity problem where I always have to be prepared for the worst and the worst has happened and I thought I would die." 

"What do you mean?" 

Ray went into his story about how his sister found out about them and her reaction and retaliation. "When he left me, God, I never thought I would make it though that period. The only things that helped me were Ma's love and support and Diefenbaker. Can you believe that, he left Diefenbaker behind to watch over me . . . well, he actually said Dief wouldn't leave which was quite funny . . ." 

"That should tell you he loves you very much Ray." 

"Thing is, I know he loves me. He proves that everyday we're together without trying and I hope I prove it to him in the same way. His love scares me too at times." Ray sighed as he prepared to finish his story so Maggie would know all that had happened. "When we were separated, even though I had a rough time about it, Benny had it worse. Before we were a couple, your brother went from being alone and unloved to having a good friend and an adopted family all within two years. It was probably a blessing to him and just when he was comfortable in this big city I up and leave with no explanation, for an undercover assignment. I never meant to hurt him with that decision. I thought going undercover was the only choice I had and I hated every minute of it." 

"Why did you take the undercover assignment?" Maggie asked. 

"Why . . . why . . . I asked myself that question every day I was undercover and the reason was because I couldn't deal with my feelings for Benny. I thought there was no way he would reciprocate my feelings. I thought some distance and time apart would help me gain control over them but I was wrong, dead wrong. If anything, the time apart made me love him even more." Maggie reached across the table and took hold of Ray's hand. 

"When I returned from my undercover assignment, all hell broke loose. I really wasn't meaning to return but Benny blew my cover, which I actually was quite relieved about. I didn't like who I was becoming. Armondo Langostini was a horrible man and to portray him, it was hard to not let it effect you." Ray removed his hand from Maggie's and cupped his face in his hands. "God, when all was said and done and Muldoon, who was responsible for killing Benny's mother, was caught we both fled from where we should have stayed. Benny and Stan went on a little adventure up in the Territories and I ran off to Florida with Stan's ex-wife. Call it crazy but we were making an already bad situation worse." 

"You went to Florida with Ray's ex-wife?" 

Ray laughed. "Yeah, we were just friends but everyone thought we had hit it off and we didn't correct them. She knew how I felt about Benny and she was the only one at that time. Stella really helped me to understand and come to terms with my feelings and I am ever so grateful to her for that." 

"She sounds like a good person." 

"She is . . . ah Maggie, did you know that Stan and Stella are planning on getting married again?" 

"Yeah, I receive letters from Ray every now and again letting me know what's going on with him. He deserves to be happy." Maggie knew a relationship with Stan was impossible but she still had deep feelings for him. 

"They both deserve to be happy, hopefully they make it this time." Ray had a little smile on his face. 

"What happened then?" 

"Victoria happened," Ray said as he went through the second coming of Victoria, at least this time they got her and she would never bother Fraser again. "This was all before we knew we loved each other but my mother found out after this incident and she was happy for me which surprised the hell out of me. I come from a very strict Catholic background and the type of relationship Fraser and I have is forbidden. God love Ma, she has been a big supporter for us." 

"Six months after our relationship started, Frannie, found out and she went ballistic. You would have thought we betrayed her but we didn't. Ya see, ever since I have been friends with Benny, she has lusted after him and not so secretively. One time she even showed up at his door dressed in nothing but a slinky lingerie, talk about being bold. Don't even ask me what Fraser did cause he refuses to tell me although I'm pretty certain nothing happened." Ray always tried to convince himself of that. 

"Well, if she liked him, I can understand her feelings." 

"Oh no Maggie, you can't understand until you have all the facts. She married Turnbull, you know Turnbull?" Maggie nodded her head. "Ok, she married him before we declared our love to one another. Six months later, she's filing for divorce and flinging herself at Fraser again." 

"Ah." 

"Ah? You are too much like your brother, this is creepy." Maggie laughed. "Anyway, when she found out about us, which was by accident, everything went downhill from there. On our one year anniversary I moved out of the family home and into an apartment with Benny, which was a plus actually but she wouldn't let things go." Ray explained to Maggie, Francesca's manipulation of Fraser and Maggie was angered, Ray could see it in her eyes. 

"When Fraser left me, I thought my whole world was crashing around me. I was suffocating and as I said, Fraser took it worse." Ray became quiet remembering the first time he saw him in the hospital and then when he found him in their apartment. "I am not exaggerating here Maggie but when Fraser left, he was going to let himself die." 

Maggie gasped, "How do you know this?" 

"When Fraser returned to Chicago to visit me in the hospital, he looked horrid. He had lost weight and he looked so tired. I didn't know what was going on but I knew it wasn't good." 

"So that explains his current condition?" 

"Yes, he returned from the Territories at Thanksgiving looking thinner than he is now. Ma has help me get some weight on him but he still has a long way to go," Ray sighed. That was his story. 

"Ray, Ben is very lucky to have you and you should never second guess your worthiness of my brother. He deserves to have someone like you in his life just as much as you deserve him, trust me." Maggie leaned over and kissed his cheek. "And I would be proud to adopt you as my second brother, one can never have too many you know." 

"Thanks Maggie." 

* * *

When Ray returned to bed, it was going on 5:30am. He and Maggie had stayed up most of the night talking and sharing, getting to know each other. Ray slid into bed to have strong arms wrap around him, pulling him close "Ray, where were you?" Fraser whispered the question into his ear. 

"I couldn't sleep," Ray yawned. "But I think I can sleep now, sorry if I woke you." Ray wrapped an arm around Fraser and rested his head against Faser's shoulder. 

"No Ray, I always get up at this time." Fraser was stroking his hand up and down Ray's left bicep. 

"You do, what do you do this early in the morning when you don't have to work?" Ray sat up slightly supporting his upper body on his elbow. 

"Well, do you really want to know?" 

"Yes Benny, that's why I asked. Do you think I asked it for my health?" 

"No." 

"So what do you do?" 

"I watch you Ray." 

"Oh." Ray blushed slightly. "Don't you get bored watching plain old me, I mean I would get bored of looking at me morning after morning. Sometimes I don't even turn on the bathroom light so I won't have to look at my reflection in the mirror." 

"Ray, I could never get bored with you." And Fraser leaned in and kissed Ray's nose. "Now go to sleep." Ray yawned and rested his head on Fraser's shoulder again, he fell asleep with a smile on his face as Fraser just layed there and watched his lover sleep. 

* * *

"Cara, please, open the present. He wants you to have it." Mrs. Vecchio pleaded with her daughter. 

"Ma, why should I? What ever is in that box will probably jump out and bite me." Francesca refused to open her Christmas gift from Ray. 

"Francesca Marie Vecchio! You wil open that gift, that is an order and if what ever is in there bites you, you probably deserved it." Mrs Vecchio was sick of fighting with her youngest daughter. Ever since she found out about Francesca's involvement with Fraser's disappearance, her patience with Francesca was wearing thin. 

Francesca coward her way back to the box and began unwrapping the gift. It wasn't a big box, just big enough to fit a pair of shoes. Once unwrapped, she removed the lid and began rummaging through the tissue paper. Francesca could hear some jingling inside the box and when the tissue paper was completely removed, she stared the box's contents. 

"Francesca, what is it?" Maria asked. There was a look of disbelief on Francesca's face, disbelief and sadness. 

"Cara, please, don't keep your mother waiting." Mrs. Vecchio sounded anxious. 

"It's . . . it's . . . the deed to the house . . . and Ray's set of keys . . ." Francesca held Ray's keys in her hand and just stared at them. This was it, the final straw. She had pushed him, them to their limit and this was how it was going to end. Ray to relinquish the house and never to set foot in it without being invited. How did this get so out of hand? 

Mrs. Vecchio gasped as she got up and went to her bedroom. Francesca called after her but her mother wouldn't hear her. When the bedroom door slammed shut, Francesca regretted everything she did but there was no way to repair the damage she had caused. 

* * *

"Hey Benny," Ray called as he entered the living room, or as Ray called it, the tree room, "where's Maggie?" 

Fraser came out of the kitchen carrying two coffee mugs. He handed Ray his morning coffee and kissed him on the cheek. "Good morning Ray, Maggie said she had to pick something up in town but she wouldn't give me any details as to what that something was." 

"Hmmnn." Ray took a swig of his coffee. "This is good, thanks." Ray walked over to the fireplace, set his coffee mug on the mantle and admired the stockings he made for them. "Benny, you wouldn't consider staying here for the rest of our vacation would ya?" Fraser smiled behind Ray. "Cause, I think I would kind of like that . . . being with family and all . . . ya know?" 

Fraser walked up behind him, set his own mug on the mantle and wrapped his arms around Ray's waist. "I think it's a wonderful idea." Fraser kissed the side of Ray's neck as he rested his head on Fraser's shoulder. "I'm sorry this year's Christmas didn't work out as you hoped it would. . ." 

"Benny, there's nothing to be sorry for. Yeah I'm a little disappointed but I don't regret coming here with you." Ray turned around to look at Fraser. "Ya know I dropped off everyone's gifts before we left." 

"Yes Ray, how did that go?" 

"Pretty good, Frannie wasn't home but Ma was. She was kind of upset that we wouldn't be there for Christmas but she understood why we couldn't be." 

"What did you get Francesca Ray? I saw all the other's gifts but not hers." Fraser knew Ray wouldn't not get her anything but he was curious as to what she was receiving since hers was the only gift Ray did not show him. 

Ray sighed as he pulled away from Fraser, walked over to the tree and tinked on an ornament with his fingernail. "Actually, I didn't buy her anything . . . but I gave her something . . . something very important." Fraser was confused but waited patiently for Ray to continue. "I gave her the house Benny . . . and my set of keys to it." Ray just stood there staring at the tree. "I still can't believe I did it but it was the only thing that made sense. Anything else would have been pointless." 

"Why the house Ray?" Fraser didn't care about the house but he didn't understand the reasoning behind such a lavish gift. 

"Why? Why? Basically this is it. I am giving up trying to get through to her. All this tension and anger . . . It's wearing me out. By me giving her the house, I am relinquishing my right to just walk in whenever I please. I am no longer welcome there unless I am invited . . . am I making sense here Benny?" Ray was now getting confused and he was pretty certain he had it all figured out. 

"Amazingly, yes Ray, that makes perfect sense but are you sure about this . . . I mean your mother lives there and your other sister and her family . . . What about them?" 

"Ah Benny here's the beauty in my decision, in all the years I have been the official owner of the house, never once was I the one in charge. Ya see, as long and Ma lives there, she's in charge, so it won't be that bad . . . we'll see them still but we may have to invite them over to our place more than go over there." 

"I see, so you've given her the idea that she's in charge but she's not." 

"Exactly." Ray turned around. "Do we have to wait for Maggie to open our gifts?" Fraser gave Ray a scolding look. "Okay, okay, we'll wait. Geez." 

* * *

"Ma, please, let me in." Francesca pleaded, knocking on her mother's bedroom door. "Ma, I'm sorry . . . I didn't mean to hurt you . . . please. . ." Francesca could hear rustling in the room and her mother approaching the door. The door was unlocked but never opened. After a few minutes of complete silence, Francesca turned the knob and pushed the bedroom door open slowly. "Ma?" 

Mrs. Vecchio sighed as she patted on the bed next to where she was sitting, motioning for Francesca to sit. "Cara, please sit." Francesca obeyed her mother's request. "God has given us many wonderful gifts in life, the most important of these gifts is the gift of forgiveness. God forgives us of our sins and in return, we forgive others for what they have done to us." Mrs. Vecchio took hold of Francesca's hand. "Every time you hurt Raymondo and Benton . . . you hurt me as well and every time you've hurt me, I have forgiven you . . . you are my baby . . . why can't you forgive your brother for what he has done? He really hasn't done anything wrong towards you . . ." 

A tear slid down Francesca's cheek as she uttered, barely a whisper. "I know Ma." 

Mrs. Vecchio reached over and pulled her now sobbing daughter into an embrace. "Shhhh . . . everything will be fine Cara . . . you'll see. When they return, you can right all the wrong you have done. They will forgive you." Francesca didn't believe her mother. 

* * *

Maggie brought her jeep to a stop next to Fraser's and turned the ignition off. The only sound in the car was the gentle breathing of a sleeping one and a half year old. Maggie got out of the jeep and walked around to the passenger side to pull the cocoon out and carried the child into the house. It had been a week since Maggie last saw her and she was anxious to introduce her to her guests. 

It was a short walk to the house but the boys must have been worrying about her because they greeted her at the door with peculiarly puzzled looks on their faces, which she expect. "Hi guys, waiting long?" 

"We just didn't expect you to be gone so long, you left so early this morning . . . and I don't think we expected you to be returning with another person," Fraser commented as he helped his sister into the house. "Can I take her . . . him . . . her . . . ah the baby from you?" 

"Yes, please, I very well can't get my outer clothes off while holding her," Maggie said making sure she clarified the baby was a girl. 

Fraser carried the baby through the kitchen into the living room with Ray following right behind him. "Benny, what's going on? Are we babysitting today?" 

"I don't know Ray, we should wait for Maggie to explain before we make any assumptions." Fraser laid the baby on the couch and started taking her protective gear off. The baby woke up screaming. 

"Just like home," Ray commented and Fraser laughed. Ray bent down to pick the child up and she calmed down immediately. "I have the magic touch Benny boy." Fraser grinned at that comment. He knew it wasn't so much the magic touch but more the greater experience. 

Maggie walked into the living room smiling. "Ray, Ben, I want you to meet my daughter Madeline." 

"Your daughter?" Both Ray and Fraser questioned in unison. 

"Yeah." Maggie walked over to Ray and retrieved her daughter from him. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Fraser questioned as he walked over to his sister and began studying his niece. 

"It was a rough time for me then and I didn't want to bother you with worrying about me. Heck, I was . . . am but a stranger to you," Maggie tried to explain. Fraser didn't want to push the issue, as it seemed Maggie really didn't want to discuss it at that moment. 

"Oh but Maggie, strangers are who he likes to help most," Ray joked. 

Fraser gave Ray a disapproving look. "Maggie, I may not know everything there is to know about you but I feel like I've know you my whole life. You're my sister . . . I care about you." 

Ray's own words came back to haunt him. Those were the exact words he told Francesca after he found out about her "attempting" to seduce his best friend, at that time, would be lover. Then Ray remembered what he told Fraser in the precinct, after their secrect was exposed by his sister. "Fraser, you don't understand. You could never understand", but he could understand all too well for he had a sister of his own. Not only did he have Maggie but he had also considered Francesca as a sister and Ray never realized that until now. Yes he always knew Fraser considered Ray's family as his own but Ray took that idea for granted, like the word love is used. People say it for everything and anything and when it is said to convey how one feels for another, the word tends to lose it's meaning. Ray had overlooked how much Fraser considered the Vecchio's his family. 

"Ray?" 

"Hmm." Ray was off in another world thinking and didn't even hear Fraser. 

"Are you okay?" Fraser asked. 

"Yeah, why do you ask?" Ray had to shake himself into paying attention. 

"Well, I've been trying to get your attention and you seem to be somewhere else. Are you ready to open presents now?" 

"Oh yeah, I've been ready since I woke up this morning, you know that." Ray rubbed his hands together as he heard Maggie laughing behind Fraser. "What?" 

"Nothing Ray, it's just that I've missed this, family gatherings and all. Thank you both for being here this year, it means a lot to me." Maggie carried a drowsy Madeline over to Ray and Fraser, asking, "Who wants to start?" Maggie and Fraser both looked at Ray who had the innocent "What?" look on his face. 

* * *

Ray stood at the bedroom window looking out over the quiet snowy landscape that seemed to spread out for miles and miles. This wasn't Chicago but he liked it. It was peaceful. This wasn't a typical Vecchio Christmas either, it was a Fraser Christmas, something Ray never thought he would ever have a chance to experience. Ray was caught up in his own thoughts and didn't hear the person who entered the room until that person had wrapped their arms around his waist and placed a kiss on the nape of his neck. Ray smiled, "Ya better watch it, my jealous lover is in the next room." Ray could feel the smile against the side of his neck. 

"Then we'll have to be quick now, won't we." Fraser kissed the side of Ray's neck. 

Ray clasped his arms around Fraser's and gave him a reassuring squeeze. "Benny, I'm so sorry." Ray dropped his head. 

Fraser turned Ray around and pulled his head up to look at him. "Ray, what's wrong?" 

"I was thinking earlier . . . about what I said at the precinct when Francesca told everyone about us." Ray wrapped his arms about Fraser and pulled him closer as he rested his chin on Fraser's shoulder. "I didn't realize what I was saying ya know . . . I didn't even know about Maggie or . . ." Ray couldn't finish. 

"Or what Ray?" 

"Or that you yourself considered Frannie as your sister too. I was so stupid not to fully realize or understand that. I'm so sorry." 

"Ray, I told you then it was okay, don't beat yourself up over it. I had forgotten all about it." Fraser was trying to put Ray at ease over that misunderstanding and that was all it was. 

Ray sighed, "I can't forget. I never think before I speak, I've realized that. Why do you put up with that?" 

Fraser pulled away so he could look at Ray's face and when he did, there was confusion. "Ray, I know you don't think when you speak sometimes." A frown appeared on Ray's face. "But I do love you for that because when you do that, some of the best things come out of that mouth of yours." The corner of Ray's lips curled up and Fraser smiled at him. "You see, there are far more good things that come out of your mouth when your not thinking that out weigh the bad and I wouldn't trade that mouth for the world." Fraser ended the statement with a kiss. 

"Benny, I'm so glad I found you," Ray said as he pulled Fraser into a strong embrace. 

"I'm glad you found me too Ray." 

Ray pulled out of the embrace and headed towards the bed. "I have something for you Benny." Ray picked the small box off the bed and turned to wait for Fraser to join him. In three quick strides, he was standing next to Ray. "Sit down Benny." Fraser complied. Ray knelt in front of Fraser, his eyes were sparkling, Fraser noticed. "Now Benny, you know that people like you and I . . . well, we . . ." All of the sudden, Ray's mouth wouldn't work. 

Fraser cupped Ray's cheek in his hand and Ray placed his own hand over Fraser's. "Ray, it's okay." That seemed to calm him. 

"I wanted to get you something special for Christmas this year . . . something that shows you how much I love you . . . how devoted I am . . ." 

"Ray, you don't need to prove anything, I know you love me as I hope you know I love you and am as devoted to you . . . for eternity." Fraser leaned over and placed a kiss on Ray's forehead and smiled a radiant smile. 

Ray placed the small box in Fraser's hands. "Please, just open it." Fraser's curiosity was peaked as he open the small velvet box. The item inside gleamed from the light of the room and he just stared at it in awe. "Do you like it?" Fraser couldn't respond for he was speechless. "You don't like it do you? I knew I shouldn't have." Ray made a motion to grab the box away from Fraser, "It's okay if you don't . . ." 

Fraser wouldn't let go of the box when Ray reached for it and finally stated, "Ray, I love it." 

Ray's grib lightened and he let go. "Really?" Ray watched as Fraser pulled the ring out of the box. "It's a Claddaugh." 

"I know Ray, I am familiar with it and it's meaning." Fraser eyes were wide as he held the ring up to eye it closely. On the inner band, he saw an inscription that read "For Eternity, Ray" 

"I kind of thought you might be familiar with it . . . you know just about everything else there is to know in the world." Ray smiled warmly. "Here, let me put it on you." Ray took the ring and placed it on Fraser's right ring finger, with the heart pointing towards Fraser. "You belong to me now." 

"I've always belonged to you Ray." Fraser took hold of Ray's hands. "You are a part of me that can never be separated." 

* * *

"Ya know Benny, this isn't how I expected to be spending our vacation together." Ray was following Fraser down the supermarket isle, pushing their cart. In the child seat sat a very alert Madeline. She giggled now and again as Ray tickled and made silly faces at her. 

Ray did have a natural way with children, this Fraser observed when he was with his nieces and nephews and now seeing Ray interact with Madeline, it almost saddened Fraser to know Ray would never experience the joy of fatherhood. A frown appeared on Fraser's face. "I'm sorry Ray." He was sorry for the way their vacation was turning out and for what he was thinking. 

"Ah, Benny, I don't really mind. I mean I've gained a whole other family in this one trip. I was just saying who would've thought I needed more family but I did." Ray smiled at Fraser but that statement hurt Fraser more because he knew that with the relationship Ray was in, he could never have a family of his own. The rest of their grocery shopping was done in silence except for Ray's interaction with Madeline. 

Finished with their shopping, Ray climbed in the back of the Jeep after having carefully secured Madeline's in her car seat in the seat next to his. Fraser got in the front seat to drive them back to Maggie's "Hey Benny . . . " 

"Yes Ray?" 

"Do you think Maggie will ever tell us what happened between her and Maddie's Father?" Ray buckled his seat belt. 

"I don't know Ray." Fraser had wondered that same question himself but didn't feel he had the right to push the issue with his sister. "When she's ready, then she will tell us." 

"I suppose you're right. He must've been a real jerk." 

"Ray, watch what you say about Madeline's father . . . at least in front of her," Fraser scolded but sadly agreed. 

"Benny, I doubt she can even understands what I said." 

"That's not the point Ray . . ." Fraser was cut off. 

"I know Benny, it's just . . . how could he leave or worse yet, what did he do to the cause Maggie to leave him? It's not fair. Your sister is a wonderful woman . . . she deserves better," Ray sighed as he stared out the passenger window. "She reminds me so much of you Benny . . . I just want to protect her, ya know?" Ray turned his head and caught Fraser's stare from the rearview mirror. 

"I know Ray. She is my sister and I want to protect her as well but she is an adult too and can take care of herself. All we can do is be there for her when she needs help." Ray could see a smile in Fraser's eyes. "Thank you for caring so much." 

"It's hard not to care Benny. She's another part of you I can love . . . and Maddie . . . God . . . I love her as much as I love my own nieces and nephews. Am I sounding crazy or what?" Ray reached over and tucked Madeline's blanket more securely around her. 

Fraser could see a glint of happiness in Ray's eyes as he did that and was amazed at just how much Ray did love Maggie and Madeline. Ray had only known them a week but he loved them as he loved his own family, a family he had known his whole life. "I don't think it's crazy. If you think about it . . . new parents love their own children immediately . . . even before they are born. It's a natural human instinct . . . Didn't you love your nieces and nephews from the first moment you saw them?" 

"Yeah," Ray sighed again. "Are we gonna get outta here or are we gonna stay and get all philosophical here in the Safeway parking lot?" 

Fraser laughed, "Yes Ray, we are leaving now." Fraser started the jeep and pulled out of their parking space to head home. Each man was so caught up in his own thoughts, neither of them noticed the vehicle that had begun following them out of the parking lot. 

* * *

It was a forty-five minute drive back to Maggie's and by the time Fraser pulled the jeep into the driveway only then did he realize they had been followed home. Fraser had an uneasy feeling about the situation and when he turned the ignition off he instructed Ray as of what to do. "Ray, I don't mean to alarm you or anything but I want you to take Madeline into the house and lock the door behind you. Do you understand?" Fraser handed Ray the keys. 

Ray was just unbuckling Madeline's car seat when Fraser spoke. "What? . . . Benny what's going on?" 

Fraser turned to look out the window at the vehicle now parked in the driveway. "Ray, I'm quite certain we were followed from the store." Fraser turned back to look at his partner. "Please Ray, do as I have said. Just get Madeline into the house, okay?" 

Ray nodded his head. He could sense the tension in Fraser's voice and knew he needed to trust Fraser as he always did. "Benny, you'll be careful, won't you?" 

Fraser smiled a reassuring smile. "Aren't I always?" With that, Fraser and Ray exited the vehicle. Ray headed straight for the house carrying Madeline and Fraser got out to meet the man who was approaching their vehicle. 

Ray entered the house, locking the door behind him. Carrying Madeline, he went into the kitchen to grab the cordless phone. Ray returned back to the door that he had entered in so he could keep an eye on what was transpiring between Fraser and the stranger. Ray wasn't about to let anything happen to Fraser without trying to help as best he could. If Fraser needed backup, Ray was going to be there. 

"Sir, may I be of some assistance?" Fraser asked as the guy approached him. 

"Where is she?" The stranger demanded. 

"Where is who sir?" 

"Maggie!" The guy's voice was beginning to rise. 

"Due to the fact that I don't know who you are sir, I don't believe I have the right to divulge that information." Fraser had an idea who this person was but he wasn't about to let on that he did. 

"What?" The guy had a confused look on his face. 

"I can't tell . . ." Fraser was cut off. 

"I know what you said . . . you're him aren't you?" The guy was now invading Fraser's personal space. 

"Who sir . . . who am I?" Fraser backed up a bit to get some breathing room between them. 

"That guy . . . that guy who came between us . . . that jerk from Chicago." 

'Oh dear,' Fraser thought. "Sir, maybe if we introduced ourselves . . ." 

"My name is John . . . John Abbott and I know who you are." 

"Who would that be sir?" 

"You're that Vecchio guy she met a few years ago . . . you're the reason she left me . . ." John shoved Fraser hard against the jeep. 

Taking a deep breath, Fraser stood back up and straightened his coat. "Sir, I assure you, I am not who you think I am. " Extending his hand, Fraser continued. "My name is Benton Fraser. I am Maggie's brother." A slight smile spread across Fraser face, it was a forced smile but a smile none-the-less. 

John's eyes grew twice their normal size from Fraser's statement and he backed away sheepishly. "I'm sorry man. I just thought . . . geez . . ." John was embarrassed by the way he acted, mainly because he knew Maggie would be furious once she found out what he just did. "Do you think we could keep this between just you and me? I just get all crazy when I think of her with another guy. Come on, you know how it is . . ." 

Fraser didn't like this man and he didn't understand what his sister saw in him in the first place but who was he to judge. "I assure you, I don't know how it is . . . John, Maggie is not here right now so, if you could please leave . . ." Fraser made a gesture with his hand, pointing in the directions of John's vehicle. 

"Sure man, no problem . . . just let Maggie know I stopped by and tell here I miss her . . . her and Madeline." John turned to leave. Fraser was relieved but he hated the way he spoke of Maggie and Madeline. 

When Fraser entered the house, he was quickly drawn into an embrace. "Who was that Benny?" 

Hugging Ray in return, Fraser replied, "His name is John Abbott . . . I'm quite certain he's Madeline's father." 

"Oh." Ray was silent for a moment, as if contemplating what to say next. "I don't like him." 

Not releasing his hold of Ray, Fraser pulled away to look at Ray's face. "Ray, you've never even spoken with him." Even though that was true, Fraser still had to agree with Ray's assessment. 

"I don't care, I can tell he's bad news." Ray began unbuttoning Fraser's coat. 

"How can you come up with such an assumption?" 

"Two words Benny . . . Body Language." Ray then removed Fraser's coat and turned to hang it up on the wall hook. All Fraser could do was let out a slightly bemused laugh. "What?" 

"I would argue with that tactic Ray but . . . you're right in the money." 

"Benny, it's 'on the money'". 

"Sorry, on the money." Fraser made a gesture to make a mental note of the correction. 

Ray shook his head and laughed. "So what are we gonna do now?" 

"The only thing we can do Ray, wait for Maggie to come home and discuss the situation with her." Fraser felt something hit his leg and when he looked down, Madeline was grinning. She was sitting at the top of the stairs where Ray had placed her upon Fraser's entrance. She had thrown her pacifier at him. "Now what are you up to?" Fraser turned and bent down to pick up the tossed object. He leaned closer to Madeline and puffed his cheeks out causing Madeline to giggle and pat his cheeks with her small hands. 

"Benny, what is it with you and this puffin face? Were ya raised by puffins? I this a Canadian thing I'm just not suppose to get?" 

"No Ray, I was raised by my parents . . . my mum mostly and then my grandparents. Haven't we gone over this before? I thought it was understood." Fraser shrugged his shoulders then picked up Madeline and carried her into the house. Ray just rolled his eyes and started muttering to himself as he followed them in. 

* * *

"What are we going to do if he shows up again?" Ray was pacing back and forth in front of the Christmas tree. "I mean, he doesn't seem to be the type of fella to take no for an answer. What if he demands to see Madeline? I saw how he was out there. We can't let that happen . . ." Ray was babbling as always when he got nervous. 

Fraser walked over to Ray, grabbed his arm gently and led him to the couch. "Ray, please, just calm down. We don't even really know what he wants. There is no reason for us to be jumping to any conclusions without all the facts." Fraser walked away from the couch and took up pacing where Ray had left off but he wasn't saying anything, just thinking. 

"Benny, would you please sit down? Now you're making me dizzy." Ray gave Fraser a smile as he patted the cushion next to him. 

Fraser crossed the room to sit down next to Ray, resting his elbows on his knees, leaning forward to rest his head in his hands. "Ray, did you ever want to help someone so much but you had no idea how?" 

"Scary thing is, I know exactly how you feel." There had been so many instances in Ray and Fraser's lives where Ray wanted to help but had no idea what he could do or if there was anything that could be done. "There have been many occasions where I have felt helpless . . . most of those times involve you." 

Fraser straightened up at Ray's admission. "When?" It was a genuine question. Fraser couldn't recall any time when Ray didn't know what to do. Maybe it was because he thought only the highest of his best friend and lover or that those times were overshadowed by all the times Ray did now what to do. Fraser always thought even when Ray admitted he didn't know what to do he just wasn't sure of himself and that deep down he really did know what to do but was to scared to take the chance. 

Ray was quiet for a time just thinking of the question. "There was the time when Geiger stabbed you - I was shocked when that happened. Up until that point, I thought you were invincible, like Superman. I don't know why I thought that, I mean no one is invincible - even Superman has his weakness. What a reality check that was. I didn't know how to help you or if I could and I was a little scared for both of us. I mean this guy, Geiger, he killed all the law enforcement officers he came in contact with. I didn't want you or me to end up on that list." 

Fraser looked at Ray with a shocked expression. He never realized the enormity of that incident. Fraser was speechless. 

Ray continued on through waters he'd rather forget. "Then there was Victoria." Fraser downcast his eyes but Ray reached over and lifted his chin. Once he had their eye contact back, Ray continued. "When she first hit town, I thought great, this could be the one, the one who could break through that barrier of yours. I thought she was going to be good for you," Ray paused. "When the snowball of lies and deceit started rolling out of control, I felt like I was caught in the center and there was nothing I could do. Every time I said something to you, you wouldn't listen. You always had an excuse for her. I was helpless from stopping the inevitable from happening." This time Ray looked away. That night at the train station still hurt even after all the years that had passed. 

Fraser pulled Ray into an embrace. "I'm sorry Ray . . . I never truly realized or I never let myself realize . . ." 

"And when Carver . . ." Fraser pulled away from the embrace and silenced Ray with a kiss. "I understand Ray, there is no need for you to continue. I'm sorry for making you feel that way and not see or understand." 

"You shouldn't apologize Benny," Ray said as he push a tuft of hair that was hanging down on Fraser's forehead. "A person who loves another is suppose to feel that way now and again, you can't control it. So it's natural for you to feel the helplessness and despair over this situation with Maggie." 

There was a slight whimper heard over the baby monitor alerting the two lovers of Madeline awaking from her nap. "I'll go get her," Fraser said as he stood up and headed towards Maggie's bedroom. 

Ray leaned back on the couch and relaxed, listening to the quiet banter between Fraser and Madeline over the monitor. Ray had always loved watching Fraser interact with the younger Vecchio's, it was like regaining the childhood he was denied by his grandparents. Now with Madeline, Fraser's playfulness was stronger than ever. Ray could only imagine how Fraser would be with a child of his own. "Which he'll never have," Ray said out loud to himself in disgust. 

"Ray, are you talking to yourself?" Fraser asked as he entered the living room carrying his niece. She giggled as he tickled her stomach. Ray smiled at the view. 

* * *

"Hey Benny?" Ray called out in a whisper. One, because he wasn't sure if Fraser was still awake and two, because he didn't want to wake Madeline. They had moved Madeline's crib into their room for the night when Maggie called to say she wasn't going to be home until very late, if at all, that night. Some assignment or other was her explanation. 

Fraser wasn't sleeping. "Yes Ray?" He shifted so he could look at Ray in what little moonlight lit up the room. 

The darkness of the room made it easier for Ray to begin the conversation. "Benny, did you ever want a family of your own?" 

"I have a family Ray, there's Maggie, Madeline, you, your mother . . ." Ray cut Fraser off. 

"No, I mean like a family of your own . . . mother, father, daughter, son type family . . . children. Have you ever wanted children of your own?" Ray didn't realize how hard this was going to be. 

Fraser was quiet. He wasn't prepared for this conversation and dreaded it actually. He was afraid of knowing whether Ray was sacrificing a part of his life to be with him. "Well Ray, as I have told you, I never had envisioned myself getting married until I met Victoria . . ." Why did she always have to come up? "I mean, I knew what kind of life a member of the RCMP lived and what kind of life their spouse existed in . . . it's not a happy one. I was able to resist love at first because I didn't know what I was missing but the minute I knew what it felt like to love and be loved . . . I became selfish . . . I wanted it all . . . a wife, children, a family of my own. Once I turned her in though, that changed. I pushed that thought to the back of my mind. I refused to let anyone touch me emotionally like that again," Fraser trailed off for a moment's pause. "That is until I met you." 

"But you're happy . . . you're content with us?" Ray sounded so unsure of himself it surprised Fraser. 

Fraser took hold of Ray's free hand. "I am truly happy Ray. I think I'm happier than I have ever been in a long time. I spent 10 years isolating myself from the rest of the world because I feared it. I feared being hurt. When my father died, I was numb inside. He was the last person I was living for and when he was killed, my first obligation was to bring his murderer to justice and after that . . . I didn't care what happened. 

"I did not know then that I would be calling Chicago my home . . . the thought had never occurred to me that I would ever live outside of my home land. So when I left Canada to find his murderer, I had no idea that I would be meeting my savior in the process. 

"I still held my guard up with you at first but it didn't last long. You accepted me for who I was, where before . . . colleagues . . . people in general kept me at a distance thinking I was strange, odd, even crazy but you . . . well you too thought that at times . . ." Fraser smiled at Ray to reassure him he wasn't hurt by that. ". . . but at least you voiced your opinion to me instead of talking behind my back. You were honest and truthful and I appreciated that more than you will ever know. Even with me being strange . . . odd . . . a little crazy and as you have voiced on numerous occasions "the most annoying and irritating man in the world", you still wanted to be my friend and I began loving you for that reason alone." 

Ray wrapped his arms around Fraser's waist, rested his head on his chest and sighed. "I do love you ya know." 

"I know Ray. I know that without being told. You show me that every day without even trying. I couldn't ask for anything more. Does that answer your question?" 

"Mmm Hmm. I think so. I just don't want you missing out on anything. You deserve all I have to give and more. I am not capable of giving you all you deserve." Ray scooted up to lean on his elbows and looked at Fraser. 

"Ray, you're all I need." Fraser leaned forward and kissed Ray thoroughly. "And don't you forget that." Fraser sighed has Ray laid his head back on his chest and he wrapped his arms around Ray. "What about you Ray?" 

"What about me?" 

"Are you satisfied with our relationship? That this is all we will have." Fraser was asking the same question but the words seemed a little harsh. 

"Of course I am!" Ray said that a little louder than he had planned then lowered his voice to continue. "I never thought it was possible to feel this content but I do. When I was married to Ange . . . I was happy . . . I did love her but not the way a married couple should. Then I wanted the whole nine yards: the wife, kids, house of our own, grandchildren . . . but as you know things just didn't pan out as I had hoped." Ray was quietly tracing circles on Fraser's chest when Fraser grabbed his hand and Ray let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. 

"After our divorce, I got depressed. I thought I would never get married again and that would mean my ideal life of a family was nonexistent. After living at home for a couple years, Maria had her first kid and my life didn't seem so empty. As the years passed then, the need to have a wife, kids, the picket fence disappeared. Now . . . I'm nearing forty . . . God that's scary . . ." Fraser chuckled at that comment because he himself felt the same way. " . . . and I can't see myself being a father now. I think I'm passed that stage in my life. 

"I mean . . . Benny, we have all the family we need right? We have Ma, Maria, Tony, the kids, Frannie - even though she isn't associating with us - and now Maggie and Madeline. That's a pretty nice family don't ya think? We even have a wolf to baby," Ray laughed at that. 

"Yes Ray, it's all the family we need." Fraser kissed the top of Ray's head and relaxed into a more comfortable position for sleeping. "Goodnight Ray." 

"Night Benny." 

* * *

The sleeping habits of Ray Vecchio and Benton Fraser changed dramatically upon their arrival in Canada. Back in Chicago, Fraser was the light sleeper, waking at any little noise and movement and Ray, well Ray could sleep through a thunderstorm and be none the wiser. Here in Moosejaw, they seemed to exchanged habits where Ray now was the light sleeper, waking at the tiniest of noises and Fraser, well he could sleep through a stampede of cattle or caribou as the case may be. 

There was a light murmur coming from another section of the house that woke Ray. He laid there for a couple minutes until he noticed the voices getting louder. Gently climbing out of bed, being sure not to wake Fraser, Ray walked over to the crib and checked on Madeline. She was sleeping as soundly as her uncle and as Ray observed, looking as angelic too. Ray smiled as he tucked her blanket around her, grabbed his robe and headed for the bedroom door. 

Ray closed the door behind and tied his robe shut before walking down the hall to where the voices were coming from. He could tell one of the voices was Maggie's but he didn't recognize whom she was talking with. Ray was getting nervous for it was the middle of the night, no time for a casual visit to be taking place and the tension in Maggie's voice was not comforting. 

"You shouldn't even be here," Maggie snapped at the man standing in the archway of her front door. 

The man wasn't about to budge, he had come too far. "Listen, I'm not leaving here until we talk." 

"I have nothing to say to you, now GO!" She wasn't budging either. 

Ray entered the living room and saw Maggie standing at the front door and in the doorway, John Abbott. 'Shit,' Ray thought. "Maggie, is everything okay?" Ray walked up behind her and for the first time realized, by the uniform, John was a member of the R.C.M.P. too. 

Maggie hadn't expected either of her guests to wake up for this but right now, she was glad to have anyone with her. "Ray, everything is fine." 

At that statement, Ray observed the features of John's face change from despair to anger. "You're Ray Vecchio?!!!" 

"Yeah, so what's it to ya?" Ray asked, surprised John knew his name. 

"You!" And before either Ray or Maggie could react, John jumped forward, slamming into Maggie causing her to lose her balance, landing on the floor winded and grabbed hold of Ray with both hands by the collar of his robe. "You're the reason she left me." John began shaking Ray. 

Back in the bedroom, the loud noise startled Fraser awake. Even in the quiet of Moosejaw, where he was a sound sleeper, there was only so much a body could ignore. "Ray?" Fraser stretched an arm across the bed and realized he was alone. 

Fraser climbed out of bed to check on Madeline just as Ray did. She was still sound asleep. Turning, Fraser headed to the door. When he opened it, Fraser could hear the commotion going on in the living room. 

Maggie struggled to get up. "John! Leave him alone. You don't understand . . ." 

"I understand plenty here. Your lover's back so you automatically run to him." John still had a death grip on Ray. 

"John, let him go, he's not who you think . . ." Maggie was cut off with a backhand to her right jaw. 

Fraser heard the smack his sister took and his blood began to boil. The only problem now was he couldn't leave Madeline unguarded, not with that animal of a man in the house, even if he was her father. Fraser had to think of a way to get out there and still keep Madeline safe. Too bad Diefenbaker wasn't with them. 

Ray looked on in horror at the act of violence displayed and by Maggie's reaction, he knew it wasn't the first time she had been hit. "You are Ray Vecchio . . . from Chicago, aren't you?" Ray was still shook up and all he could do was nod his head yes and swallow hard. 

Fraser heard the question and he knew Ray had no idea what John was thinking or referring to. Fraser had to put his plan into action now, if he had a plan. 

"Ya know, you really shouldn't hit a lady like that," Ray began while he was trying to gain his courage. 

"Shut up," John growled. 

"I mean, what kind of man would do such a thing?" Ray continued. 

"I said, shut up." 

"I would never hit a lady, what does that prove? That you're bigger and stronger than her? So what, doesn't mean you're any better . . ." Ray was now cut off by a punch in the face, causing him to see stars. 

"I told you to shut up," John said as he pushed a stunned Ray to the floor. "I can't believe she left me for you. You're not even worth it," John laughed. "Look at yourself, you can't even take me on . . . you're pathetic." The words spouting from John's mouth hurt, even though Ray tried not the let them. They reminded him too much of his own father. 

"Why don't you go pick on someone your own size or do you normally beat up those weaker than yourself?" Ray struggled to get up when a R.C.M.P. issue boot connected with his side causing him to groan and wheeze. 

"John, stop it!" Maggie exclaimed. He just glared at her. 

"I'm not here to hurt anyone but if you make me . . . I will." John was staring at Maggie when he said that. Turning his head to a still recovering Ray, he continued. "I'm here to take back what's mine." 

"Ya know, your actions here are not very becoming of a member of the R.C.M.P. . . . I have a friend who's a member as well and he's a lot nicer than you even on his worst days." Ray coughed as he staggered to his feet. "And, she doesn't belong to you or anybody." 

"She's my wife, we belong together." There was no reasoning with him. 

"Ex-wife," Maggie reminded. "Or did you forget about that. We are no longer married." 

"Maggie, you will always be my wife. I vowed to love and cherish you until death do us part . . . or did you forget that?" 

"No John, I remember our vows very clearly but me letting you abuse me the way you did was not part of them." 

Fraser heard Maggie's comment and shuddered at the thought of this man causing any pain to his sister. Fraser carried Madeline out of the bedroom he and Ray occupied and carried her to Maggie's room. 

"Look pal, the lady wants you to leave, I think you should go," Ray said as he tried to approach John to lead him closer to the door and eventually out but before he could even move John, Ray felt the cold edge of a blade against his neck. 

"I am not going anywhere." John gritted his teeth together. Ray swallowed the mass that had collected in his throat. He was scared. 

"John, please, put the knife down," Maggie begged as he moved closer to Ray. 

After placing Madeline in the playpen set up in Maggie's room, Fraser turned to leave, locking and closing the door behind him. He took a deep breath before continuing back to the other bedroom to retrieve the knife from his pack. 

"Come on John, why don't you put the knife down . . . and we can talk rationally about this," Ray suggested as he backed away slightly. 

Maggie moved again, closer to Ray, she didn't trust John with the knife and Ray was defenseless. "Yes John, put the knife down . . . and we can talk." 

John kept his eye on Maggie. "No . . . there's no rational talking with you Maggie . . . not since you left . . . you don't listen to me anymore." 

"Maybe you're the one not thinking rationally," Ray interjected. 

"Ray, please." Maggie knew Ray didn't understand what he was getting into. 

"You better listen to her lover boy," John warned. 

"Listen, if you don't leave now, I swear I will call the cops." Ray started heading to the phone in the living room. John wasn't thinking clearly and that one movement set him over the edge. 

Fraser approached the end of the hallway and stopped to get an idea of what was going on in the living room with his lover, sister and her ex-husband. John had an erratic look in his eyes and Fraser knew something was about to happen when he saw Ray turn and head for the phone. 

John lunged for Ray at the same time but Maggie stepped front of John causing him to fall into her instead of Ray. John slammed into his ex-wife sending both of them forwards and causing Ray to stumble across the room. 

Ray pulled himself to an upright position and turned to see John standing over Maggie, blood on his hand. Maggie was lying on the floor with John's knife sticking out of her chest. She was not moving. 

"OH MY GOD!" Ray yelled as he rushed over to Maggie's side. Her breathing was labored and she was staring into space. Ray took hold of her hand and tried to get her attention with no luck. "Maggie? It's me Ray . . ." Ray was oblivious to what was happening around him. 

Simultaneously and not thinking too clearly himself after seeing his sister assaulted, Fraser came charging out from the hallway towards John, wielding his own knife. 

"Maggie, please hang on . . ." Ray got up, grabbed the phone dragging it back to Maggie's side and called for help. "Maggie, please don't die." 

Fraser's knife went flying across the room, which strangely Fraser was grateful for because he knew if he had the opportunity, he would kill this man. What Fraser didn't see was John reaching for his gun. 

"My name is Ray Vecchio and I need an ambulance immediately. A woman has been stabbed and . . ." Ray was relaying the pertinent information to the emergency operator when he heard the gunshot. Ray's heart stopped. When he looked up, John's hands were shaking as he dropped the gun and both men watched Fraser fall to his knees. "NOOOO!" 

* * *

He could smell the sterile environment and knew where he was even before he opened his eyes but the question in his mind: how did I get here and why? Ray could feel the warmth of a blanket covering his body and sighed as he tried to remember what had happened that caused him to end up in the hospital once again. At first he had to think where exactly was he . . . Chicago? Las Vegas? Canada? Why would he be in Canada? When Ray finally opened his eyes, he saw a "No Smoking" sign on the wall across from his bed and it was a bilingual sign, French/English. He knew he was in Canada. 

Ray sat up in the bed and looked around, he was alone. Inspecting his own body, there were no injuries to be found which caused him some alarm seeing he had been admitted and was not just waking up in the emergency room. What happened? Why was he here? Benny! Where was Benny? Surely Benny would have been here with him if something were wrong. They were best friends after all. 

Just about when the panic attack started setting in on Ray, the door to his room creeped open. Entering was a very worried Italian mother accompanied by an intense looking young man. "Caro, you are awake." Mrs. Vecchio rushed to her son's side, caressing his face. She was nearly in tears. 

It was just what the doctor ordered. Ray calmed instantly and even managed a weak smile. Ray's brow furled as he looked from his mother to the stranger with her and back. "Ma, what happened? Why am I in the hospital . . . in Canada?" Ray then pointed to the blonde man next to his mother. "And who's he? And Where's Benny? Cause if I'm in Canada, he's gotta be here somewhere and then I will have to ask him how the hell he got me to come here in the first place." 

There was a frightened look on his mother's face, one he didn't understand and then she turned to the stranger next to her for comfort. Who the hell was this guy? 

"Ray, what do you remember?" Stan questioned as he tried to calm a very emotional Mrs. Vecchio. 

Ray looked as if he was trying very hard to answer the question. It wasn't that he didn't remember anything but more he didn't remember what caused him to be where he was. "The last thing I recall is talking to Benny on the phone before he came home from his vacation in Canada. Ya see, I couldn't pick him up at the train station as planned because . . ." Ray shut his mouth quickly. He couldn't tell this stranger the real reason why he couldn't pick Fraser up. No one was to know who wasn't involved directly with his life. 

"Ray, it's okay, I know all about the assignment," Stan reassured. Mrs. Vecchio was recovering the more she listened to her son talk. 

"What assignement?" Denial, yes that's it, he couldn't give the game up. 

"Ray . . ." Stan knew Ray knew what he was talking about. "My name is Stanley Raymond Kowalski and I was enlisted to be your cover in Chicago for that assignment." 

Ray looked at Stan and he started to laugh uncontrollably. Stan and Mrs. Vecchio were startled by his reaction until Ray started to speak. "You're my cover? My cover? You don't look a thing like me . . . not even close. This is rich, I have to be a dead ringer for this Armondo guy but they get any Joe Shmoe off the street to be me. Who cares if he doesn't even resemble me." Ray's laughs were subsiding now as he wiped tears from his eyes. "So what happened, did the assignment get postponed or what?" Mrs. Vecchio looked at Stan and she seemed about to cry again. "Ma, what's wrong?" 

"Raymondo . . . you do realize that happened almost four years ago?" Ray fell back against the bed and just stared at his mother. 

"Ray, we just celebrated Christmas 2001," Stan said. 

"Four years?" Ray was astonished. Nearly four years of his life had passed and there were no memories to recall the lost time. "How long have I been here?" Ray gestured meaning the hospital and Canada. 

"Well . . ." Ray's mother began, "you and Benton came to Canada to spend Christmas together . . . with his sister and his niece." Ray looked at his mother as if he was staring right through her. Sister? Benny had a sister and a niece. "You've been in Canada almost two weeks Caro and the hospital . . . for about 24 hours." 

"Why am I in the hospital?" Ray needed to know everything he couldn't remember hoping beyond hope to trigger some sort of recollection. 

This time, Stan answered. Maybe it was because he was a fellow cop and thought it best if he went through the grizzly details or maybe because he really did care about Ray. "Ray . . . Maggie . . ." Stan seemed a bit misty eyed at the mere mentioning of her name. "Maggie, Fraser's sister, two knights ago, died from a knife wound to the chest." Stan had to pause a moment. "Fraser . . . well, he was shot also . . . by the same man." 

Ray's eyes went wide. "He's . . . Benny's . . . he's all right . . .isn't he?" 

"Ray, he was in surgery for eighteen hours and now is resting comfortably in ICU," Stan added. He could see the panic in Ray's eyes and there was nothing he could do to ease the pain this information was causing. 

"But, he's gonna be all right . . . right?" Ray felt so small at that moment. He was missing parts of his life he didn't even know whether they were worth missing. There was a chance he could lose part of his soul if Fraser didn't pull through. 

"They don't know that yet. It's still touch and go for right now. The doctor says if he makes it passed the 24 hour period, he should be out of the woods." Stan tried to seem positive but he had already seen Fraser and he didn't look good then. 

"Okay," Ray seemed to be still trying to take in all the information that was hurdled his way, "Why am I here?" It was the third time he asked the question and now he was getting impatient. 

Stan continued with the events of the previous evening as were told to him by the police who arrived on the scene first. "When the paramedics and police arrived at Maggie's house, they said . . . they said . . . you were not acting rationally . . . you were kind of . . ." 

"Freaking out?" Ray offered. 

Stan was a bit relieved Ray was the one offering that definition. "Yes Ray, they had to give you a sedative to get you calmed down and transferred here. When you woke up . . . you were even more combative. That's why you have been admitted here . . ." Stan dreaded it but he had to tell him and in a nice way. "That's why the doctors thought it best to admit you to the psychiatric ward of the hospital." Stan wanted to run, he knew how volatile Ray could be. 

"What?!" Ray sat up again. "I'm in the loony bin? Who's the idiot that decided this was best for me?" 

"Ray, you've gotta understand, there was no one to vouch for you at the time. Your mother and I just arrived an hour ago. We were just as surprised as you are now." Ray nodded his head and gestured for him to stop talking. Ray just sat there shaking his head. 

The door to his room opened again, this time, a doctor walked in. "Mr. Vecchio, I'm pleased to see you are awake. I am Dr. Landers, how are you feeling?" 

Ray gave the doctor a pathetic 'spare me the formalities' look. "Not great doc." 

"I assume your mother and friend here have informed you of what happened." The doctor flipped open Ray's chart. 

"Doctor," Stan began, "Ray doesn't seem to remember . . . well . . . the last four years." 

"Really? How fascinating." Dr. Landers began jotting notes down in the chart. "Absolutely nothing?" 

"If I did, you would be the first to know doc." Ray may not have the memories of the last four years but it didn't effect his ability to throw out sarcastic comments. 

"Well, it is possible that the witnessing of such a traumatic event could cause a memory loss. It's like your brain trying to protect you from the harmful memories. Now, for it stemming back four years . . . that's quite unusual, usually the memory loss covers the time period of the said traumatic event. Unless these last four years have been just as painful . . . hmmm. . ." The doctor started jotting more notes down. Ray just sighed as he laid back down and stared at the ceiling. 

"Dr. Landers, could I speak to you?" San gestured to the door. 

"Ah, yes, I am through here for now." He smiled at Ray. "Mr. Vecchio, I think everything should come around within a couple days, I wouldn't worry." 

"And if not?" Ray asked being Mr. Pessimistic. 

"Well, we will deal with that when that time comes." Dr. Landers closed Ray's chart and turned to leave the room with Stan. 

"Hey doc, when can I see Benny?" 

The doctor frowned. "Well, I don't think it would be best at this time . . ." 

"Doc, you don't know me and I am giving you fair warning that I will see him whether I have your permission or not." Ray gave Dr. Landers a sly smile that made him believe what Ray said was true. 

"Mr. Vecchio, I will see what I can do." Dr. Landers and Stan left Mrs. Vecchio to fuss over her son. 

* * *

Once in the hallway, Stan began explaining to Dr. Landers the entire four years history . . . well, actually the entire history of Ray Vecchio and Benton Fraser. Their story was one worth remembering. The doctor took notes as needed. This now explained the large memory loss. At least he did remember Fraser. That was one small consolation. 

"I think his brain was preparing him for the loss of his companion . . . as if he was assuming Mr. Fraser was going to die so his brain shut down that part of his history. This is truly fascinating." The doctor was frantically noting all he could in Ray's chart. 

All Stan could think about was how Fraser was going to take the news that his lover didn't remember being his lover. He remembers him but not the most important, the most intimate part. Stan's head started to ache just thinking about it all. 

* * *

The bad thing about being admitted to the psychiatric ward was the mandatory three days period the patients are required to stay. Also the fact they don't let you off the floor. Ray was getting anxious to see his best friend, to make sure he was all right. Hearing the words that Fraser was doing well wasn't enough. He needed to see for himself. Luckily for Ray, his three days were up and he was ready to get out of the nut house. 

The elevator ride down to the floor Fraser was on was a quiet one. Ray, his mother and Stan didn't seem to know what to say. Ray just stood there, fidgeting, eyes fixed on the floor numbers, counting down to Fraser's floor. Ray needed to see Fraser, after all it's technically been four years since he'd last seen him, at least in his mind it had been that long. Would he look the same? Would he have changed? Nah, Benny would still be Benny, just as the sun always rises in the east and sets in the west. Ray sighed out loud. 

"What is it Caro? Are you okay?" Mrs. Vecchio placed a hand on his arm. 

Ray patted her hand. "It's nothin' Ma, just thinking about Benny . . . really sucks that his sister was killed that way. Wish I had the chance to meet her." 

This time, Stan sighed because Ray had the chance to meet Maggie. "She was a wonderful person," Stan mumbled. 

Ray could tell Stan had cared for Maggie very much. The elevator opened and all three of them exited being met by a relieved, yet frazzled and beautiful blonde woman. "Ray!" She exclaimed. She was holding a very fussy baby but managed to hug Ray anyway. "We were so worried about you two." 

Ray gave the woman a blank stare then turned to Stan and asked, "Do I know her?" Stella was speechless. 

Stan stepped in. "Ray, this is Stella Kowalski. She is my fianc_e and a very good friend of yours." 

Ray blinked and blinked again. "A lot's happened in four years huh?" Stan nodded. "If you're his fianc_e, how's come you have the same last name? Coincidence?" 

Stan and Stella smiled. "Smith may be a coincidence but Kowalski? No, Stella and I were married before." 

"Ah." It was all Ray could say to that. The already fussy baby Stella was holding started to cry now. "And who is this?" Ray asked as he lifted Madeline out of Stella's arms. Madeline calmed immediately. 

Stella was surprised over the change in Madeline the moment Ray picked her up. From the time Stella went to claim Madeline to now, all she did was cry and fuss but in Ray's arms, she was content. "This is Madeline Ray . . . Fraser's niece," Stan said as he started to lead them all down the hallway to the waiting room. "We've had her ever since we arrived which hasn't been that long." 

Madeline rested her head on Ray's shoulder as the last of her tears dripped off her face and her breathing begin to regulate. "She likes you Ray . . . probably remembers you." Stella was amazed at the effect his presence had on this child. 

Ray's face turned. "I wish I remembered her." It was weird to be holding a member of Fraser's family for the first time. 'I wonder if this is how Benny feels when he is with one of my nieces of nephews?' Ray thought. There was a feeling of love that Ray couldn't describe or explain then he realized for the first time, Fraser's not alone anymore. He has a family, a real family. "I don't want to put her down," Ray said, quite surprised by his own feelings. 

"I know." Stella patted Madeline's back gently. "She is quite captivating, isn't she?" 

"Kind of like Fraser, huh?" Ray mumbled and he kissed Madeline's forehead. 

"What was that dear?" Mrs. Vecchio leaned closer for her son to repeat what he's just said. 

"Nothin' Ma . . .here." Ray handed a very sleepy Madeline over to her 'unofficial' grandmother. "I need to see Benny now." 

* * *

He had done this one too many times in the short span of knowing Fraser. The walk down the hospital corridor to the room where his injured friend lay. It was always an endless walk and this time was no different. He wanted to see Fraser but also dreaded it. Why was he feeling this way? Fraser was his best friend . . . at least from what he remembered . . . 

Stan accompanied Ray to Fraser's room. Ray didn't remember ever meeting Stan before this incident but he was turning out to be a valued friend. Stan mainly went with Ray in case Fraser did wake up seeing that he had no clue what was going on with Ray. Mainly to referee in case one should say something the other didn't understand or that would send either of them over the edge. 

As they entered the room, Stan noticed Ray stiffen at the sight of Fraser. Fraser was actually looking better then the first time Stan saw him but for Ray, Stan knew the paler than normal skin tone, the weight loss and the IV and wires could scare anyone who believed this man was invincible. Yet, didn't this also prove that he was invincible? 

"Stan, he's so pale . . . so thin . . . what happened?" And that question, Stan really couldn't answer. They were told not to shock Ray with the revelation of his and Fraser's relationship but with each question asked, it was becoming harder and harder to resist. "Stan?" 

Stan shook himself. "Ray . . . there are going to be times now, I know you are gonna have questions to help with the gaps . . . and I will help you out the best I can but there are also something's best left for you to remember on your own . . . this is one of those things." 

Ray saw the sincerity in Stan's eyes and accepted his answer. Ray walked over to Fraser's bedside and stared down at him, taking in every change he could see and notice. There were circles under his eyes, he was thinner than he remembered and he was pale - as if he could get any paler. Other than those changes, it was still Benny, just as he remembered him from before he left for vacation. 

Stan was grateful Ray didn't have to see him with the breathing tube down his throat ... he kind of wished he had missed out on that sight too. "The doctors say he's out of the woods . . . now all he has to do is wake up." 

Ray reached out and took hold of Fraser's hand, determined to stand vigil until he woke. For some reason, he felt responsible for this, just as he did with Victoria. Ray leaned down to whisper in Fraser's ear. "Benny, everything's gonna be okay now. I'm here and I'm not leavin' until you give me that big eyed Mountie look of yours." Ray smiled and snickered to himself, then he reached for the chair next to the bed and dragged it closer. 

* * *

It was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. The sky was bluer than he could ever remember it being before. The snow-covered land beneath his feet stretched out farther than the eye could see and the snow made the day even brighter. He took a deep breath letting the air tingle it's way through his nostrils and down into his lunges. Yes, this was a perfect day in Fraser's book but why was he here and where was he in the first place? 

Fraser began to walk in which direction, he wasn't sure. The sun was out, it was obvious by the brightness of the day but it was hidden by what, he couldn't tell, there wasn't a cloud in the sky. This was odd. Fraser went to check his pocket for his compass when he realized he wasn't in his uniform and actually, he wasn't in much at all, just a hospital gown. "Oh dear," Fraser said out loud. Hospital gown, no boots but he did have his hat. Fraser shook his head as he continued his walk to anywhere, somewhere, and nowhere. 

After what seemed like hours, a figure in the distance appeared out of nowhere and it seemed this person was walking in his direction. Fraser was grateful even before he knew who it was. He was amazed that even in this snowy landscape he wasn't cold but he choked it up to a dream and felt that explained the unexplained at that point. 

The closer to the figure Fraser got, the more familiar the person became and when he finally was but a few meters away, a smile stretched across Fraser's face. In the entire time he had visitations from this person in Chicago, this was the most welcomed of them all. "Hello Dad." 

"Hello son, how are you doing?" Bob Fraser stood before his son in what looked like his Red surge uniform, parka, gloves and mukluks. It had been years since Fraser last saw his dad in Canada, after apprehending Muldoon, arms smuggler and murder of Fraser's mother. He was truly a sight for sore eyes. 

"Well Dad, this may sound a little crazy but I think I'm lost." Fraser felt rather strange saying that because he never, ever was lost. 

"I can see that son, aren't you cold?" Fraser Sr. motioned to the gown and lack of boots. 

"Strangely no," Fraser replied. "I do have the hat though and they say 90% of your body heat escapes from the head." 

"True enough son, true enough." Fraser Sr. stood there, swaying back and forth as if he wasn't sure what to say or if there was anything to be said. 

"Dad, aren't you . . . I mean I never thought I would see you again until . . ." 

Fraser Sr. looked towards his son and answered simply, "Yes son." 

Fraser blinked once, twice. "Oh." He looked around again, down at himself and back to his father. "Am I dead?" 

Fraser Sr. shook his head. "No son . . . not yet at least." 

"But I'm dying?" 

"I didn't say that. I mean we will all die eventually son but it isn't your time yet." Fraser Sr. began meandering around where Fraser stood. 

"What am I doing here then?" 

"Son, you were shot remember?" Fraser nodded to his father. "You could have died, almost did but . . . someone interceded for you." 

"Who? I don't understand," Fraser was becoming frustrated. 

From behind, Fraser could hear someone approach him and when he turned, his blood ran cold. "Hello Ben," Maggie smiled at Fraser and it caused his heart to ache. 

"Maggie . . . why are you . . . Oh God." There was a look of horror on Fraser face. 

"Ben, it's okay." Maggie seemed to want to reassure Fraser. 

"No, it's not Maggie . . . your dead . . . I just found you and now . . . what about Madeline?" Fraser couldn't believe his luck. First he finds his sister and only after their second meeting, he loses her again. 

"Ben, you will take care of Madeline, I have faith in you but you will have a hard road ahead of you." 

Fraser just looked at his sister not understanding what she meant. "I think I can handle it Maggie . . . I mean anything I can't I'm sure Ray or his family will help me with." 

"Son, I don't think you understand. You are gonna be on your own on this one." Once again, ever so evasive. 

"Dad, what are you talk . . ." A look of terror now spread across Fraser face. "Ray, he's okay, he isn't dead too?" 

"Ben, Ray is alive and well, please don't worry but there are things going on that you are unaware of, that are beyond your control." The image of Maggie started to disappear. "Please take care of my daughter and let her know that I loved her more than life itself." Then she was gone. 

Fraser turned to his father. "Dad, what did she mean, I don't understand?" Fraser was searching his father's face for any sign of what was to come. 

"Son, I don't make the rules up here, I just abide by them. I'm sorry." And then his father was gone as well, leaving him in the vastness of the snow and light and cold. It was getting colder now, he was actually beginning to feel the temperature and snow started to fall. As Fraser walked, the snowfall was becoming thicker and thicker to the point where he couldn't see in front of him. Next he felt himself falling. Must not have seen the cliff or something and then there was darkness . . . 

* * *

It was such a slight movement, he wasn't sure he actually saw it but then his eyelids moved again. Stan was up and at Fraser's bedside immediately. "Hey buddy . . . Fraser . . . are you awake in there?" Stan placed a hand on Fraser's shoulder. "Fraser?" 

A groan was the first noise, and then his eyelids flickered open. Fraser's eyes remained open and he looked like he could fall back asleep any moment but he managed to make eye contact with Stan. 

"Fraser, it's good to see ya." Stan smiled a smile he didn't realize he had been suppressing all these days. 

"Ray . . ." Fraser managed to whisper out. "Where?" 

Stan knew Fraser would want to know where Ray was and of all the days, today was the day they had talked him into going back to the hotel to wash up, change and get a bite of decent food. "Mrs. Vecchio took him back to the hotel . . . for a little mothering." 

A slight smile spread across Fraser face. "Good." And then Fraser drifted back to sleep but it was a good sleep, one Stan knew he would definitely be waking up from. Stan sat back down in the chair next to Fraser bed and relaxed for the first time since he arrived in Canada. 

* * *

The next time Fraser woke up, Ray was present and nothing could wipe the silly grin off Ray's face at the sight of those blue eyes staring back at him. The only thing that was odd to him was the stare that Fraser was giving him. It was one of intensity but was there love there? Desire? Nah, there couldn't be, that would be too weird. Maybe it was tiredness, yes that had to be it. Fraser was just tired. 

What Fraser saw in return, was relief in those hazel eyes but he could also see confusion. Fraser was too tired to press the issue so he just continued to stare at his lover, to soak in all his features before sleep took him again which happened far to often for his liking. 

* * *

About three days after Fraser first originally woke up, it was another day that Ray was talked into going back to the hotel for much needed sleep. Fraser being the main person pushing him to it, Ray reluctantly had to agree. So Fraser was alone in his hospital room, staring at the ceiling, rethinking what his sister and father had told him, making no sense out of it. 

Ray and Fraser had not talked intimately about anything since he woke up and Ray also seemed quite distant. Not that he wasn't being friendly or avoiding Fraser but he didn't seem his normal self. Ever since he awoke, Ray had yet to touch Fraser in an intimate way. The way a lover should. It was confusing and Fraser was beginning to think maybe Ray got a wake up call and no longer wanted what they had. "But that's ridiculous," Fraser said out loud to himself. Nothing was making any sense. There was a quiet knock on his door. "Come in." 

As the door opened, Stan walked in. "Hey Fraser, I was hoping you were up." Stan strode over to the chair next to the bed and sat down. "How are ya doing?" 

Fraser managed a weak smile. "I'm as well as can be expected." 

"Fraser, the reason I'm here . . . I think we need to talk about Ray." Fraser nodded his agreement. "I think you can tell he's been acting a little strange, huh?" 

"Yes Ray, is he all right?" Fraser always worried about others, especially the ones he cared for. If only he knew how much he was going to be worrying now. 

"Well . . . the best thing I can do is to be up front with everything and just say it . . ." Stan took a breath. "Fraser, when Ray woke up . . . well . . . maybe I should start back further." Stan too another breath. "When the police arrived at the house, after . . . well . . . afterwards, Ray was freaking out. I think it was the shock of seeing Maggie attacked and then you . . . well, they had to sedate him on the scene. When he woke up here, at the hospital, he was even worse so they admitted him to the psyche ward." 

Fraser eyes went as wide at Stan's details of what happened. "He was okay though right? Is okay now?" 

"Fraser, the reason why they admitted him was because of his erratic actions and the fact there was no one here to call. He was released three days later but . . ." Now the hard part. "When he had finally woken up, coherently, he was suffering a slight memory loss." 

"Memory loss? Like he doesn't remember what happened?'' Fraser had a slight suppressed panicked look on his face. 

"Yes, he didn't remember what happened but he also doesn't remember the last four years . . . that you and he . . ." Stan couldn't say it. He didn't want to break Fraser's heart with this but it was too late. 

"He doesn't remember us?" 

"No, I talked with his doctor about you and Ray and the history you both shared. He believes he is suppressing these memories because he thought you were going to die and that it is possible that loss was too great for him to deal with so his brain just shut down those memories in order to protect him. Sounds weird but it kind of makes sense." Stan stood up and walked to the window. "The doctor also told us we shouldn't tell him about the relationship either, that that information is one thing he needs to come to terms with on his own. It's been hard but we've been managing." 

Fraser was quiet. When Stan turned around, he could see the tears Fraser was holding back. The sadness in those eyes were beyond belief. Stan himself couldn't even imagine what he would do if it were him and Stella this was happening to. He wouldn't be able to go on, he knew that. How Fraser was going to manage was beyond his comprehension. 

"Thank you for telling me Ray." 'He's thanking me for breaking his heart, this is great,' Stan thought. 

"Fraser, I hate to add to this but we've been trying to get things in order and well . . . since Ray will be going home soon, as you will be too . . . back in Chicago, we've kind of took it upon ourselves, that is Mrs. Vecchio, Stella and I decided, to have Ray's stuff moved back to the Vecchio home. Since he has no recollection of living with you . . . ah . . . I hope we've made the right decision because it would be up to you definitely if you were against it . . ." 

Fraser steeled himself for the answer his heart didn't want to give. "Ray, it's fine, I understand and it 's the most logical thing to do. Thank you and thank Mrs. Vecchio and Stella for me would you please?" Stan nodded his head. "How is Madeline doing today?" Fraser had to change the subject. 

"She's wonderful. You should see Ray with her, he's in heaven . . . I'm sorry. She is a doll ya know. Everyone loves her, Mrs. Vecchio, Stella, Ray, me . . ." Stan got a little somber. "I think she misses her mother though." 

"Thank you for taking care of her while I'm in here. Maggie would be pleased to know she is so loved." 

* * *

Fraser was moving around the hospital room slowly as he collected the few things that he had into a bag Ray provided. It had been three weeks since the incident with John Abbott and things seemed to be getting better or as good as they could get when your sister was just recently murdered and the love of your life didn't remember you but Fraser was determined to keep going. He no longer could only think for himself now, he had Madeline to worry about and she seemed to take his mind off of the void in his heart left by his sister and now Ray. 

The door swung open and two very happy Chicago cops came in with a giggling Madeline. It was the first time Fraser had seen Madeline since the night at his sister's and tears started to fall as he went to take her from Ray. 

"Oh no Benny, you sit down first. I don't think you could carry this sack of potatoes very far." Ray pointed to the chair in the room and Fraser complied with Ray's order. Stan was surprised by Fraser's submission to Ray but he himself would do anything Stella asked. Once seated, Ray handed Madeline to Fraser and his face lit up as she continued to giggle at his puffin face. 

"What's with that?" Stan asked. 

"Don't ask, it's a Canadian thing I think. I don't get it either." Stan and Ray laughed with each other as they watched a before somber Fraser come alive with contentment at holding his niece. 

'This is how Fraser is going to manage without Ray,' Stan thought. 

"So is everyone ready to go home?" Ray asked as he finished putting Fraser's belongings in the bag. "Cause I can't wait to get back to Chicago." 

Stan noticed a shadow cross over Fraser's face and didn't understand what happened to cause it. "I myself can't wait either. It's been great up here and all but Chicago is still Chicago . . . my kind of town." 

Fraser turned his face to look at both Ray's. "I'm not going back to Chicago." Fraser had seen the interaction between Ray and Stan and they seemed closer than they were before Ray's memory loss. He knew Ray had a friend to rely on back in Chicago, he could do this. 

"What?" Both Rays said in unison. "What do ya mean?" 

"I should think both of you would understand . . . seeing I am now charged with the care of Madeline, I need to think about her before myself and I believe Canada is the best place for me to raise her . . . at least for now." Fraser kissed Madeline on the forehead and prayed for the strength he would need to carry through with his decision. 

"Canada . . . Benny, ya know you can always live with me and my family. The door is always open . . . heck I assumed that was the game plan anyway." Ray looked heartbroken. 

"Though I thank you for the generous offer Ray, I just can't. It wouldn't be fair to your family and anyway, I am going to living in Eric's village. There are plenty of children for Madeline to play with when she's older and when I'm at work, I won't have to worry about who will be watching her. It is the most logical decision." 

"But Benny . . ." Fraser could here the hurt and rejection in Ray's voice and hated the sound of the pain he was causing. 

"Ray, you know you will always be my best friend, no matter where we are. I know I will always still be able to count on you and if you should ever need my help, I will be there for you, all you have to do is call. I will come and visit as I am sure you will visit us . . . that is if you're still not afraid to fly up here." A wicked grin spread across Fraser face and it got a snicker out of Ray. 

"Benny, I would fly up here for you and Maddie any day." And it was the truth, as painful as it was to say, Ray was going to let Fraser stay in Canada and he was going to return to Chicago, alone and unsure of his own past and future. 

The end of part two. 


End file.
